Always Alone
by 2kool4skool
Summary: Percy deals with his demons when his marriage falls apart. Rated for references to alcohol abuse and attempted suicide.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter.****  
****  
****Chapter 1**

Percy looked up from his newspaper as his wife fiercely scrubbed a pan in the sink. He could hear her breathing heavily with frustration; it was the only sound that echoed through the large room. He had never understood why she had insisted on doing things the Muggle way. She never used to, but lately it seemed she was looking for ways to avoid him; not that that really bothered him.

He heard her groan. "What's the matter?" he asked from behind his paper.

"It won't come clean," she exclaimed as she threw the pan into the sink angrily and stormed out of the room.

He wanted to lift back up his paper and ignore the situation but he knew better. He stood up from the table and started making his way upstairs.

As he reached the bedroom door he could hear the sound of muffled crying. He made his way into the room and sat down on the bed. "What is the matter?" he asked again, trying to mask his annoyance at this display of behaviour.

"What has happened to us?" she demanded, as she stood up. She went to the window and stared out over the garden. She let her fingers linger on the sunlit pane of glass for a moment before turning back to look at him.

"What are you talking about? What is the problem?"

"We never talk. We never do anything together. I feel like we are strangers. When was the last time we made love?" she asked sadly. He could see soft tears spilling down her cheeks, which she didn't bother to wipe away.

"We've been busy."

"For six months? This is not how it used to be. You have changed."

"I have not changed. I'm the same as I always was," he said defensively.

"I always knew you were jaded by Fred's death, but lately you have become even more distant Percy. I can't live like this anymore."

"Well what do you suggest?" he asked bitterly, but instantly regretted the tone when he saw the look on her face.

"I don't know, maybe acting like we're actually married," she spat before stomping from the room.

Percy groaned and buried his face into the duvet before he stood up and followed her back downstairs. She had car keys in her hand and was pulling her jacket on. "Where are you going?" he asked with frustration laced in his surly voice.

"You don't consider this a marriage. You treat it like a business partnership. I want to be appreciated and loved."

"I do love you," he insisted.

"You don't know what love is. When was the last time you showed me?" He moved towards her and touched her cheek but as he did this she pulled back. "It's too late Percy. You had your chance to love me."

She threw open the door and went to leave. He grabbed her arm. "Stop running from me. Let's talk about this."

She shook free from his grasp. "I can't do this right now."

"You are my wife. This is what husbands and wives do. They talk things out."

"I have tried to talk to you, repeatedly. You never want to talk about anything except your job. You don't visit your family anymore since they all have kids. Seeing your mum and dad at Christmas is not enough."

"My family is my business," he muttered, and with those words he really knew he had screwed up.

"_**Your**_ family? That's the problem right there. You don't even consider them _**our**_ family."

"That's not what I meant," he argued. "You know how I feel about my family. I am responsible for my brother's death. I can't stand seeing that in their faces anymore."

"No one blames you. No one ever blamed you. You only blame yourself and you are punishing yourself by avoiding them."

"When did you get your psych degree Freud?" he asked.

"You know I'm right Percy. I can't live in this isolation anymore…"

"You keep saying you can't do this anymore. The only thing we can do is talk it out and make it work."

"It's not the only thing," she said, as she pulled the thin, white gold, wedding band off of her manicured finger and placed it into his hands.

Percy was too shocked to speak as he watched her walk down the pathway that led to the driveway. He watched her silver car speed into the street, and in that moment he remembered what it felt like to be completely alone.

He turned and went back inside. His eyes scanned the room and fell upon a photograph framed in a beautiful silver frame. He lifted the picture and stared at the happy couple smiling back. Their wedding day had been quite magical and even then Percy had not enjoyed it. He still imagined Fred's body lying lifeless on the floor of Hogwarts.

He tried to push the image of Fred from his mind and stared back at her happy face. Her blue eyes stared back at him. She really was beautiful with her raven black hair and very pale skin. He tossed the picture down in anger and watched the glass shatter into several pieces.

He stormed away from the living room and back to the kitchen where the frying pan was still sitting in the sink. He shoved his hands into the hot water and began scrubbing it clean. When that was finished he cleaned the counter and lifted back up his newspaper attempting to pretend his life was still normal.

After several moments he slammed the paper down and couldn't stop the tears that began to fall. Like he had failed as a son and brother, he also failed as a husband.

Percy tried to distract himself by doing random tasks like cleaning and reorganizing his closets and drawers. He cleaned out the gutters and mowed the lawn. He even caught up on his paperwork.

As the sun began to slide behind the horizon he finally gave in and started driving to her mother's home. He arrived and nervously brushed his hands through his red hair. He pulled the keys from the ignition and walked up the front steps.

The door swung open and Charlotte looked at him sadly. "She's not ready to speak with you Percy dear," the elder woman said.

"Please," Percy began to beg. "I am her husband. I need to make things right."

"I know you love my Shannon, but sometimes love alone isn't enough to sustain a marriage."

"We can make it work if we just try."

"She has been trying with you for years now. She is tired of trying. She wants to be happy and you need to let her find that happiness however she sees fit. If you love her, you will be able to do that."

"I do love her but when she agreed to marry me that meant staying with me for better or for worse. I can make things better now. She has made me see that she is unhappy and I will fix it," he cried.

"You cannot just fix a broken heart. She loved you so much and you were never able to love her as much in return. I know you are haunted by a grief that consumes you, but she waited patiently for you to move on and you never did. She is too tired to keep waiting now. She gave you every opportunity."

"Please just let me talk to her? Even if it's only for a few minutes?"

"I will let her know you're here but I cannot promise you anything."'

Several moments passed and Percy was preparing to leave when the door swung open. He smiled, feeling as though everything would be all right now that she had come to talk to him. She however, frowned at him before opening her mouth to speak. "Nothing you say will make me change my mind."

"Please hear me out," he began to plead, his grey eyes trying desperately to see into hers. He had heard eyes were the windows to the soul but he had never mastered being able to read her emotions.

"You have had chance after chance. We live in our home as strangers."

"I love you."

"I love you too but that isn't enough to make me stay."

"I will do anything to get you to reconsider."

"You are just as unhappy as I am," she sighed. "You know that this is not the life you want."

"How can you say that?"

"I have not made you happy for a long time. In fact I'm not sure that you know how to be happy."

"I am happy having you as my wife."

"What part of our life together makes you happy?" Her question caught him off guard and he found he had no answer. "Exactly," she muttered.

"Everything," he said weakly.

"It's time for this to end."

"How can you say that so calmly?" he demanded.

"Because I have realized this for quite some time. You are not the man I fell in love with anymore."

"I can change for you."

"Living a lie would not make you happy either."

"It wouldn't be a lie. I will be happy as long as you are with me."

"Someone once told me when a person changes you can only do one of two things, accept them as they are, or leave. The one thing you can't do is change them back."

"You're not giving me a chance," he shouted with frustration as he felt a surge of anger flood through his veins.

"You know I have given you a chance. I'm never going to stop loving you but I can't be with you. I deserve more than the occasional peck on the cheek. I want a man that spends everyday feeling happy because he is married to me."

"I am happy to be married to you."

"No you're not," she cried. "I've been your wife for show for far too long."

Her words felt like a slap to the face. He backed away from her as he felt overtaken by rage. "Our marriage is that much of a joke to you?" he screamed.

"It was never a joke," she sighed, with obvious annoyance at his temper. "I am telling you what I know is the truth."

"How can you spit on everything we had together?"

"I am doing what is best. I know you love me but that is not enough."

"Is there someone else?" he demanded.

"No. I am just so unhappy. Don't you want me to be happy?" Her blues were filled with tears as she said this.

Percy narrowed his eyes at her. "Manipulation?" he muttered coldly. "I don't even know you anymore."

"Did you ever?" she spat.

He lifted his hand as if to hit her and then realized what he was doing and pulled back. He ripped his keys from his pocket and got back in his car.

As he drove, he moved from feeling furious to feeling absolute anguish at the situation. He had assumed he would be bringing her back home after they had talked. Instead he was given confirmation that the marriage he had built for five years was over. He had damaged the marriage, just like he had his own family. He had never felt more worthless than in that moment.

He arrived home and went inside. He pulled open the liquor cabinet that was full of Muggle alcohol. He poured himself a glass of scotch and consumed the liquid. It burned his throat like liquid fire but he kept drinking until he built up a tolerance. He finally felt free of the overwhelming emotional pain that was crippling him. He crawled up to their bed and fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter.**

Chapter 2

Percy awoke the next morning and was overwhelmed with an excruciating pain that ripped through his head. He reached to the other side of bed. "Shannon?" he called. "Shannon, can I get a potion for my head."

The realization that she was gone came crashing down on him when he was met with silence. He pulled himself out of bed and crawled to the washroom to expel his stomach contents. He contemplated Flooing George for one of his miracle potions that counteracted the effects of alcohol. He quickly pushed that thought from his mind and reminded himself that he didn't need to rely on his family.

Once Percy had begun dry heaving he crawled back to bed and called into work to say that he was sick. He couldn't seem to go back to sleep with the blinding pain in his head. He remembered something he had heard Charlie say many years before. "Hair of the dog," he muttered in remembrance, before he crawled downstairs in search of another bottle of scotch. He noted it was the last one and decided he better get some more today.

Days slid by and Percy was still on sick leave. However he was disappointed that the effects of his alcohol were becoming weaker. He didn't want to think about his loneliness or failure. He didn't want to turn to his family and so the only solution was to end the pain.

He found himself in the loo and found a bottle of Shannon's prescribed sleeping pills sitting in the medicine cabinet. He smiled to himself. "It finally ends," he whispered.

XXXXX

Shannon was still weighing her decision. As much as it hurt, she felt she had made the right choice. She couldn't continue a relationship with a man that treated her as someone he tolerated and not someone he loved. She felt she deserved more.

She and Percy had met at the ministry when he was working for Fudge. They had only been friends until after the war. After Fred's death a dishevelled Percy had shown up on her doorstep and broken down in her arms. The vulnerability he had displayed filled her heart with love for the poor broken man. They had married only a year after that night. She helped him put the magical world behind him and supported him when he started a political career in the Muggle world. They returned to the Burrow for Christmas only. They performed magic behind closed doors. In the outside world they did their best to be a Muggle and had succeeded at being perceived as one.

As she thought back on the marriage they had shared for five years she felt absolutely sick. She suddenly realized Percy had been on his own for several days, and although she knew he would never forgive her she scribbled a note to George and attached it to her owl's leg.

XXXXX

George was wiping a smudged fingerprint off of the showcase in Weaselys' Wizard Wheezes with his thumb. An owl flew in the window and landed right where he had wiped. He muttered a swear word, as he pulled the note from the bird's leg.

_George, I'm sorry to keep this so short. I left Percy and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind checking up on him. _

_With love, Shannon_

George alerted one of his staff that he was leaving. He then pulled out his wand and Apparated to Percy's doorstep, ignoring the fact that Percy lived in a Muggle neighbourhood. He knocked several times and after being met with silence, he charmed the lock and broke in.

The house smelled like alcohol mixed with vomit. He knew instantly something was very wrong and ran up the stairs to find Percy lying face down on his bed unconscious. George felt for a pulse and after finding it was weak, he pulled out his wand again and Apparated to St. Mungo's.

Healers took him in immediately. Ginny saw George in the lobby and went to him. "Is Frederick all right?" she asked with concern, assuming George had brought in his son.

George filled his little sister in on what was happening. She told him to alert the family and she would find out his progress.

Within 20 minutes the waiting room was filled with almost every member of the Weasley family. George retold the story to his very concerned family members.

"I can't believe she left him," Hermione sighed.

"Does it really surprise you?" Ron asked his wife.

"RONALD," Molly scolded. "Your brother just attempted suicide."

Ron looked at his mother sheepishly. "Sorry Mum," he muttered, as he dropped his gaze to the floor and squeezed Hermione's hand.

Ginny returned moments later. "Well?" Molly demanded of her daughter.

"He had his stomach pumped and a psychiatrist is on call for when he wakes up."

"A psychiatrist?"

"It is protocol for an attempted suicide," Ginny explained.

"When can we see him?" Molly asked.

"After the psychiatrist," Ginny said.

"Should we contact her?" Bill asked.

"She left him," Ron answered.

"It doesn't mean she doesn't still love him," Hermione said.

"Hermione is right," Ginny agreed. "She did contact George."

"I will Floo her," George said.

Molly began pacing while the rest of the family began talking. Ginny put her arm around her mother's shoulders. "He will make a full recovery," she offered.

"Physically," Molly sighed.

George returned. "When she comes, no one mention their situation."

"We're not stupid mate," Bill retorted.

"Yeah, Fleur isn't here," Ginny whispered to Hermione. Hermione bit back a laugh.

After several moments of awkward silence, Alicia and Hermione wanted to feel useful so they opted to clean Percy's house. They arrived on the front step and pushed open the door. The scent of alcohol and vomit overpowered them as it permeated through the dense air. Hermione waved her wand and every window in the house flew open. "Hermione the neighbours might see," Alicia exclaimed.

"I thought not passing out was a good idea," she muttered. She looked over at Alicia, who looked very pale and was clutching her abdomen. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine," Alicia responded with a gentle smile; though her hand holding her stomach was not giving the image of someone who was fine. "The smell was just getting to me."

Alicia waved her wand and the dishes started doing themselves. Together the women went room to room allowing magic to clean up the mess. Hermione froze when they reached the master bedroom. She could see pills scattered on the bed and a picture album lay next to them. "Is that their wedding album?" Alicia asked sadly. Hermione nodded her response.

"He is so broken," Hermione said suddenly, as she frowned.

"Maybe this is his rock bottom," Alicia offered hopefully.

Hermione waved her wand and the pills all flew into the loo to be flushed. "Wingardium Leviosa," Hermione said as the album lifted from the bed and flew over to the bay window. Alicia repeated the spell and the sheets rolled into a ball and then levitated down to the laundry room.

After starting the washing machine she returned upstairs to find a very sullen Hermione. She followed Hermione's gaze to the night table where next to a picture of Shannon lay her wedding ring and a note.

"There is a note?" Alicia questioned no one in particular. "Should we read it?"

Hermione shrugged. "Is it really our place?" Hermione asked.

"If we understand him, maybe we can help him better. This holds the key to why."

"We know why?"

"Marriages end everyday. Lives don't end with them. There is more than the demise of his marriage that is responsible for him giving up his life."

"Fred's death, his guilt and now the loss of his wife," Hermione offered.

Alicia chose to look at the note anyway. She unfolded the parchment and stared at the gentle scribble. "_I'm sorry. I failed you all. Percy."_

XXXXX

Shannon arrived at St. Mungo's looking very sullen. Her dark hair had been pulled back into a messy bun and concealer had been splashed onto the dark circles beneath her icy blue eyes. Her hands trembled as she touched George's shoulder. He turned to her and the anguish in her eyes would forever be imprinted in his mind. "Is he all right?" she whispered.

Molly turned toward the sound of the voice. "Shannon dear," she said gently. "He is going to come through this."

"Oh Molly, I am so sorry," the young witch cried.

"Nonsense. It isn't your fault and you mustn't blame yourself."

"But…"

"There are no buts dear. I know you love my son but I also know he is too deeply wounded to love you back the way you need him to. Your marriage was built on a foundation of grief. Percy was not ready to love and for that your marriage could not survive. I'm just sorry I didn't guide him properly in life."

"You are definitely not to blame," Bill said. "Percy has some issues which need to be addressed by the psychiatrist. It isn't anyone's fault."

Molly sighed and turned to look out the window. "I'm his mother. I should have tried harder."

"Percy made his choices," Arthur announced, speaking for the first time since his arrival at St. Mungos. "He must live with them. We raised all of our children the same. Percy chose the path his life has taken and we are not responsible."

XXXXX

Percy awoke with another headache. He felt around for his bottle of scotch and instead felt bars on the side of his bed. He opened his eyes and yelped in pain as the bright light from the sterile white room entered his pupils. "Where am I?" he said aloud.

"Evening," a man in a white lab coat said as he marked something onto his clipboard.

"Am I dead?" he moaned.

"No such luck," the man said cheerfully. He waved his wand and Percy watched a Patronus float out of the room. "I'm Healer Kretchin and you are at St. Mungos."

"Am I dying?"

"No we gave you some potion which expelled everything in your stomach so you'll make a full recovery…"

"But?" Percy said for him.

"You have to speak to our resident psychiatrist. We are concerned about your mental state."

Percy groaned. "It was an accident," he lied.

"Oh yeah?" the healer muttered with amusement.

"I'm sure you hear that all of the time, but I am telling the truth."

"Oh no, I've never heard that one before," the healer said sarcastically.

Percy looked to the door as another man entered. His hair was dark brown but Percy could see specks of grey appearing at the roots. His brown eyes were dark and inviting and his gentle smile made Percy feel very safe in his care. "Percy Weasley, I am Healer Sullivan the resident psychiatrist."

"I really don't need to speak with you. It was an accident. This is getting blown out of proportion."

"Is it really? You were found lying unconscious in your bed next to a bottle of pills."

"I couldn't sleep."

"How much alcohol have you consumed in the last few days?"

"Why?"

"Your level of alcohol in your blood was very high."

"I had a few drinks."

"Mr. Weasley would you like to tell me why you were drinking so heavily on your own?"

"I needed sleep."

"So you went for a permanent nap?"

Percy glared at the man. "You don't understand."

"What don't I understand?"

"Never mind," Percy muttered, as he turned his attention to the window.

"You can open up to me. I'm not going to judge you."

"I don't care whether or not you judge me," he spat.

"I think you do. I am here to help you. You are dealing with things beyond your psychological capability. I can help you sort everything out."

"I don't need help from anyone."

"What is wrong with getting help?"

"I am not weak."

"Who said you were?"

"My brother's," Percy suddenly cracked. His eyes held a faraway look as he remembered his childhood.

"What did they do to you?"

"Excluded me," he said sadly. "They always excluded me because I was so weak. They called me Prissy instead of Percy."

"I bet that hurt."

"Of course it did. I never fit in with them. I've never fit in with anyone."

"How did you handle that?"

"I strived for perfection. I felt that if I was more successful than them that I would have had the last laugh."

"Did you?"

"No. It led to me rejecting my family. By the time I returned it was too late. We were in the middle of a war."

"Why was it too late?"

"I couldn't save Fred."

"Who was Fred?"

"My brother."

"What happened to him?"

"He died."

"How is that your fault?"

"I distracted him."

"You were in the middle of a war. Distracted, or not, he was a target."

"I never got the chance to tell him how I felt."

"What did you want to tell him?"

"That I was sorry."

"For what?"

"For resenting him."

"Why did you resent him?"

"His success. I wanted to be the only successful one. My success was supposed to shame them so that they would feel bad for the way they treated me. They had found their own success and I was never going to get my revenge. I was driven by this revenge. I wanted Mum to realize that I was the only son to be proud of."

"Were you punishing her also?"

"I never wanted Fred and George to be born. Before they were born she had time for me."

"How did you feel when they were born?"

"Neglected. Alone. Unloved."

"So you thought by being successful that you could get that attention back?"

"It's what I had hoped for. When that wasn't working I gave up and left my family behind."

"What were you hoping to achieve?"

"I wanted my mother to feel as rejected as I did."

"Do you think it worked?"

"I hurt her deeply, but I don't feel good about it. I planned to make up for it when I returned. Instead I ended up the outcast that distracted Fred and got him killed."

"Do they actually blame you?"

"George did for awhile."

"Until?"

"His wife helped him forgive me."

"If he forgave you why can't you forgive yourself?"

"I do not deserve forgiveness."

"Says who?"

"I do."

"Why?"

"How can I forgive myself for everything that I have done wrong?"

"You're not the first person to make mistakes in life and you certainly won't be the last."

"Yes, but…"

"What does punishing yourself accomplish?"

"It's just what I deserve."

"People have been forgiven for much worse than the few mistakes you made. You are not responsible for your brother's death. He chose to fight in the war and he knew the risks. You are only responsible for your own choices. Your family has offered you forgiveness but you cannot accept it and I still do not know why. Everyone deserves forgiveness and to have a second chance. Don't you think that it is time to take advantage of yours?"

"It's not that simple."

"What else is making it so complex? How many years ago did your brother pass away?"

"Six years," Percy answered with frustration laced in his strained voice.

"You have punished yourself for six years? Don't you think it is time to move on and live your life?"

"I have nothing to live for."

"Why is that?"

"My wife just left me," Percy confessed.

"How did her rejection make you feel?"

"The same as I did several years ago when I had felt neglected by my mother."

"How did you handle it?"

Percy thought very hard for a moment on exactly how he should answer that question. He drew in a heavy breath before speaking. "I didn't."

"So how would you like to handle it?"

"I'm not sure."

Percy looked back at the psychiatrist with a frown. "Can I please have a few moments alone?"

"Of course. I'll return later, but please think about what I said."

"I will," Percy promised, before closing his eyes and taking in everything he had just said.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter.**

**Chapter 3**

Percy felt exhausted after speaking with the psychologist and he knew his family would be in to see him at any moment, to bombard him with their concern. He didn't want to see the look in his mother's eyes that he had once again failed her.

He closed his eyes and hoped maybe if they saw that he was asleep they would leave him alone. However, he knew better than to believe that would be true.

After several moments of contemplating running from St. Mungo's someone came to his door. Out of all of his siblings he was glad Ginny was the first one in his room. "Hey Gin," he said, as a sense of shame began to wash over him.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Tired," he confessed. "Are they all here?"

"Each and every one," she said gently. She couldn't help but examine the dark circles beneath his eyes. His face made it obvious he had been on the verge of death. "It's because we all love you."

Her words stung him and he looked away for a moment to compose himself. "I know that," he sighed. "My life just got really complicated."

"We all know about Shannon," Ginny said suddenly.

Percy frowned and felt miserable again as he imagined his family all looking at him with pity etched on their faces. He ran his fingers through his red hair, a habit he had when he was worried or stressed. "Great," he suddenly muttered.

"We just want to support you Percy. Killing yourself isn't the answer."

"I didn't try to kill myself," he said suddenly. "I just wanted to sleep."

"For eternity? We need you. We don't want to lose another brother," the instant those words rolled off of her tongue she regretted it. His face dropped and she could see the pain in his eyes as he once again relived Fred's death.

"Ginny could I rest now?" he asked curtly.

"No," she answered. "You have a family that was worried sick about you and unfortunately you are going to have to talk to them about what happened. That is how families work Percy."

"I am very tired," he retorted.

"We all are. I've been pulling double shifts for a week. We all have stress in our lives. We all have days where we just wish it was the end so we could finally rest, but we still fight our way forward. That is what you need to do. Taking pills with alcohol won't help you."

"Thanks for the advice," he said tersely. He had stopped looking at his little sister and was instead examining the dirt under his finger nails.

"I can't help you if you won't let me in Percy. I've always supported you and loved you and I wish you could do the same for the rest of us. You're still a part of this family and all we want to do is love you. That isn't a crime. Sorry you don't want to face us but you have to. That is your duty as a member of this family." With those words Ginny stood up and started walking out of the room. Percy contemplated calling her back in, but his self pity held him back.

After a few minutes Shannon peered her head into the room. He narrowed his eyes when he saw her. "What are you doing here?" he spat, his voice colder than ice.

"What have you done?" she said, as she looked him up and down. Her eyes were drawn to his pale face that was contrasted only with the freckles that flecked his cheeks and the dark circles under his eyes.

"I am not your concern anymore," he muttered. She cringed as he spoke and her eyes reflected the pain of his tone.

"It doesn't mean I don't care. You almost died." He watched her struggle to keep her tears from falling.

"At least you would be free."

"Killing yourself is never a solution."

"Well what is the solution?" he demanded, his voice rising with each syllable.

"Percy I am sorry that I hurt you. I just need something else. I was unhappy, but that does not mean that I don't love…"

"Will you just leave?" he shouted. He turned away from her then and waited to hear the sound of her heels retreating toward the door.

She rubbed her eyes that stung with hot tears. She felt so conflicted. As much as she would always love him, she could not remain miserable forever.

Percy felt overwhelmed with rage at his soon to be ex wife. He snatched the Daily Prophet from his bedside table and hurled it across the room. He heard a throat clear and turned to the door.

Bill stood diagonally in the door frame, both hands resting on the hips of his brown trousers. Percy almost had to bite back a laugh at the periwinkle shirt he was certain Fleur had dressed him in. Bill followed Percy's gaze to his shirt and frowned. "Not a word," Bill growled.

"I don't want another lecture," Percy began.

"Good because I'm not going to give one."

"Then what are you going to do?" Percy asked suspiciously.

"Well little brother, why don't you tell me what happened?"

"I'm tired of talking about it."

"Fine, then I will tell you my news. Fleur is expecting again."

"Congratulations," Percy replied, feeling no happiness about the addition of a niece or nephew. He already had one of each. George had a son named after their deceased brother and Bill had a daughter named Victoire.

"You don't care do you?" Bill asked.

"Of course. I'm very happy for you," Percy lied.

"I didn't think you would be but I wanted to tell someone. Fleur asked me to wait until her second trimester to announce the news."

"I will keep it to myself," Percy promised.

"Are you still mad at me?" Bill suddenly asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm not an idiot. I know Charlie and I did a number on you growing up, and then when we backed off you had to deal with Fred and George." Percy was speechless at his brother's revelation. "I'm sorry that the pain we inflicted on you left lasting, permanent scars."

Percy blinked several times to hide his tears. "Bill I really am happy for you and Fleur."

"If you're not too busy we would really appreciate if you would stop by. I want Victoire to know all of her uncles."

"Of course. I'll try and come by soon."

Bill gave his brother a rough smile. "I've got to get back to the bank. Owl me sometime."

Percy nodded and tried to smile back.

A few minutes later his mother appeared in the doorway. He could tell she was trying not to cry again. "Mum," he greeted her, having no idea what the proper way to start a conversation with her could be.

"Why didn't you come to me?" she asked, her voice quivering with the emotion she was trying to suppress.

"What was I supposed to say?" he asked, feeling defeated.

"I am always there for you. You are my son and I love you," she cried.

Percy felt so many emotions whirling around in his head as he struggled to find the right words to respond to his mother. "I know you're there for me. It's just been really hard with everything that is going on."

"That is why you should have come to me," Molly said sadly. She took a seat next to her son and reached for his hand. Percy was tempted to pull his hand away but he didn't want to hurt his mother further.

"I'm sorry Mum," were the only words Percy found he could say.

"You don't have to be sorry Luv. Just remember that I want to be here for you." Percy nodded in response. Molly pressed a kiss to her son's forehead. "I must get back to the Burrow, as I am looking after Victoire, Frederick and Teddy for the afternoon, but please come by soon."

"I'll see you soon Mum," Percy said gently. She squeezed his hand before leaving the room. Percy felt more guilt after his mother left.

Arthur arrived next and looked at his son with a hollow expression on his aging face. He kept a distance between them as he spoke. "Why?" were the only words that came to him as he looked at the broken man that embodied his son.

"I'm sorry Dad," Percy said quickly, having no idea how to explain what he had done. The excuses he used on Ginny and the psychologist would never hold up against his father.

"Were we really that horrible as your parents?" he asked.

Percy looked away as he was filled with shame. "Of course not. I just had some issues that I couldn't deal with."

"Killing yourself wouldn't have solved them."

"I know Dad. I just lost my head." Percy left out the part about the bottle of scotch.

"You really hurt your mother."

"I know and I am really, really sorry. I never mean to hurt her and I know I always do."

"She still loves you and so do I. Please stop pushing us away Son."

Percy nodded, but found he still could not verbalize the promise. His father moved closer to him and gave him a gentle hug before leaving him alone again.

XXXXX

Out in the waiting room George was waiting to go next. Ron was standing with Harry and felt increasingly nervous. Ron wished Hermione was with him for this. He always felt uncomfortable in situations where the wrong thing was very easy to say. "You're going to be fine Ron," Harry said gently.

"You know how I get in situations like this and the wrong thing just flows out of my mouth before I can stop it."

Harry had flashbacks to the many times Ron had failed in a social situation. "Well tact is definitely not your thing," Harry agreed.

Ron gave Harry a dirty look as he continued to wring his hands together. "What do I even say to him?"

Harry tried to think of some wise advice to offer his best friend but felt he had nothing. "Just assure him that you care about him and his problems."

"Okay," Ron agreed, though the tone in his voice assured Harry he was unconvinced. Harry listened to Ron's breathing get deeper the more nervous he became. Ron was amazingly calm and collected in the midst of battle but when it came to emotions the guy became a nervous wreck. Harry couldn't help but smile as he remembered back to the night that Ron was planning to propose.

"_What if she says no?" Ron exclaimed as he began to hyperventilate. _

"_Trust me when I say she won't," Harry responded as he handed his friend a paper bag. "She loves you and she is going to want to spend her life with you."_

"_I'm not going to be easy to live with."_

"_No you're not," Harry agreed, and waited for the glare Ron was sure to send his way. _

"_I don't even deserve her."_

"_Well she loves you despite your flaws and she wants this."_

"_You don't know that."_

"_I am the one person that saw what you two have grow from the very beginning. What started as two people that annoyed the hell out of one another has grown into a love that has withstood war. If she can stand by your side in the middle of a battle than she can stand by your side for life."_

"_That's really nice mate," Ron said, as Harry met his gaze. _

"_I'll say something similar at your wedding if you just get the courage to propose."_

"_How should I start?"_

"_Speak from your heart." Harry would later find out Ron threw up on Hermione's shoes and completely ruined the mood. Luckily for Ron, Hermione was able to look past that and married him anyway. _

"George is going in," Ron interrupted Harry's reverie.

"You're after him," Harry said even though Ron already knew that.

"I can do it," Ron affirmed, as he developed a determined look on his stubbly face.

XXXXX

George opened the door to Percy's room and waited for Percy to look at him. When Percy finally did George breathed a sigh of relief, as the last time he'd seen his brother, he'd been unconscious. "Hey George," Percy said weakly.

"So you got tired of life, eh?" George muttered and was surprised at the anger in his own voice.

"I was in a bad place."

"Yeah I've been there. The night my twin died was a bad one but you know I kept going."

Percy swallowed the bile rising in his throat. "I'm sorry," he offered.

"For what exactly? You say you're sorry but I'm lost on exactly what it is you are always apologizing for. Is it because Fred died instead of you? Is it because you give up too easily? Or is it because you're sorry you were even born?"

"I'd have to say the last one," Percy admitted.

"Why? You act like your life was so horrible but its not. You were never a death eater. You came back and fought on the right side. You never did anything all that unforgiveable and you did not utter the curse that ended Fred's life."

"I never wanted either of you to be born," Percy confessed. "I didn't want Mum to have you."

"So what? I didn't want Mum to have Ron but I'm not consumed with guilt over it."

"Ron didn't die."

"Percy that is just the way kids work. All kids are jealous of each other, especially when parents have another one. Frederick is going to be extremely jealous when we tell him Alicia is pregnant…"

"Alicia is pregnant?" Percy asked.

"Oh Dammit," George cursed. "Don't tell anyone. I promised her we'd wait to tell everyone."

"I won't say a word," Percy promised.

"So what are you going to do now?" George asked cautiously.

"I haven't thought that far ahead."

"Well you can stay with Alicia, and I."

"That's okay. I have to go back to work."

"Well I can take some time off and stay with you," he offered.

"I'll be fine," Percy said politely, though inwardly he was screaming 'hell no'.

"I have to get back to the shop, but I'll come by again tomorrow." Percy said goodbye to his brother and hoped George would be the last of his visitors.

About ten minutes later Ron stood in the doorway to the hospital room. Percy couldn't tell if he was angry or upset by the look on his face. "Hi Ron," Percy greeted him.

Ron lifted his hand and waved at his brother, still not opening his mouth.

"So how is Hermione?"

"Good," Ron said shortly. Percy nodded. "So how is Shannon…Oh SHIT," Ron exclaimed.

"It's okay," Percy offered.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"So how are you feeling?"

"Tired," Percy admitted.

"Yeah I guess killing yourself takes a lot out of you. SON OF A B…"

"Ron it's okay. I know you have a hard time saying the right thing."

"I'm glad you're okay," Ron said, trying to change the subject.

"I'll be fine."

"Well come and visit Hermione and I soon. We just bought our own house," Ron said proudly.

"Good for you," Percy responded. "I'm happy for you both."

"Thanks Perce. I have to get back to work, but I'll see you soon."

"Of course," Percy said and waved to Ron as Ron left. Percy breathed a sigh of relief knowing that was the last of his family members as the trip from Romania was just too far for Charlie.

Percy closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter.**

**Chapter 4**

Percy opened his eyes and saw Angelina standing at the foot of his bed; his eyes quickly roamed to her protruding stomach. "You're having a baby?" he asked, shock evident in his voice.

She nodded, before walking closer to him. "I had to move on," she whispered. He nodded in response, finding himself rather speechless. "Alicia told me what happened. I thought killing myself was the solution once too," she said, as she slid back the sleeve of her robe and showed him the faint scars on her wrist. "I thought it would be easier to join him."

"What made you change your mind?" he asked politely.

"I realized that that was not what he died fighting for. He died so we could all live. I just had a hell of a time doing that. Life is worth living. You have to remember that."

"It's my fault he's gone," Percy said sadly.

"No it isn't. He died in a war. We all knew the risks when we showed up at Hogwarts to fight. You have to move on; just like I did."

"It's not the same."

"No it isn't, but do you want to know what finally made it okay?" she asked and waited for him to nod for her to continue. "Your mum told me one day while I was visiting that it was okay to date someone else; that the family wouldn't hold it against me. They wanted me to be happy, just like Fred would have. This isn't the life Fred died fighting for," she said as she pointed at Percy. "So if it helps you at all, I want you to know that it is okay to move on from your brother's death. No one holds you accountable. He gave his life for us, so please for Fred's sake, live it."

Percy remembered the year following the war. Angelina was over at the Burrow almost every day, curled up in Fred's bedroom, wrapped in his sweaters and crying into his pillow. Percy had felt responsible for that grief. He remembered when she finally stopped coming around quite so often and then when it was announced several years later that she was engaged. He had felt sick at the thought of her with anyone but Fred.

"You know I had tried dating at first and I remember dating one guy who had a scar on his face from the war. Every time I saw it, it reminded me of Fred. So I ended things. It was really hard to find someone else. I had to find someone outside of the country who had not known Fred; someone who wasn't excited to be dating Fred Weasley's former fiancée. Your brothers had made a name for themselves. When I met Tyler, it just felt right. However it still took me well over a year to be intimate with him. For the longest time I felt like I was cheating on Fred. I almost ran out on my own wedding, but George and Alicia stopped me. They promised me that this is exactly what Fred would have wanted, and that he was looking down on me smiling. There was a tiny storm that day which I thought was karma, and then a rainbow appeared. It was so beautiful and I took it as a sign that Fred was telling me it was okay. Each milestone in my life Tyler stays patient with me as I grieve the loss of Fred all over again. I love Tyler very much and he is perfect for me in every way, but deep down a piece of my heart is still missing. It's something I may never get back."

"I understand what that feels like," Percy said gently.

"I have a new life with Tyler and you can have that too. You're unhappy Percy and this is your chance to turn it around. I know it's hard and you feel as if you are betraying him, but if his twin could do it then we can too."

"Do you know what you're having?" Percy asked, changing the subject.

"Twins. A boy and a girl," she said with a smile. "Our son will be named Marcus Frederick Stevens and our daughter will be named Alicia Kaitlyn Stevens."

Percy smiled. "He would have loved that."

"George is a little disappointed we didn't include his name!"

"When are you due?"

"In a month. You'll have to come see them when we're back in London again."

"I would love to. Are you still living in the US?"

"No we moved to Canada. I like it much better."

"I'll have to come by and visit for sure next time you're here in London."

"We visit quite often. I have to get back soon. I am having tea with Alicia before visiting my mother. I'll owl you. Take care Percy and please think about what I said."

"Of course I will. Thanks for coming to see me."

"I know what you are going through," she added, before she gently kissed his cheek affectionately and then waddled out the door.

Percy went back to sleep and hoped by morning he could go home and try and build a semblance of normalcy back into his life.

XXXXX

Morning came all too soon and Percy awoke to find the psychologist sitting in the room. "Your sister really cares about you," the psychologist said gently as Percy made eye contact with him.

"What did she do?" Percy asked.

"She insisted we release you early. She said that your family has agreed to care for you if we let you out."

"I don't need to be cared for," Percy said viciously.

"Unfortunately suicide attempts require supervision. You can either stay here with me or you can spend some time with your family and rebuild the relationships you tore down."

Percy felt like reaching for a bottle of scotch as he tried to weigh his options. "I haven't spent more than 24 hours with my family since I started working for the ministry and cut ties to them. Even after Fred died I couldn't spend time with them."

"Now is your chance."

"I don't know if I could handle that."

"You have a lot of resentment built up towards your family and we can sit and talk about it for as long as you like, but you need to talk with your family because they are the ones that can really help you move on."

"It's easier to talk to you."

"Well of course it is. Your actions didn't affect me. I am your sounding board, but in order to truly let go of your past you have to face your demons head on. In your case that is your family."

"What do I say?"

"Tell them exactly what you feel. Explain to them how you felt about Fred's birth and his death. Explain why you left them. Let it all out."

"What if they don't understand?"

"They're your family and they want to be here for you."

"I failed them."

"No you didn't. You have let yourself believe you have. Children make mistakes. Adults make mistakes. You have made many but like everyone else, you have to learn to forgive yourself."

"I don't know how."

"Your family can help you. They all grieved for Fred too."

"This is more than grief."

"I know. This guilt that you let run your life does not have the power to change what has already happened. You can continue to live consumed with guilt and let it control everything you do, or you can find a way to make up for what you did that is making you feel guilty and then you can move on."

"What do you suggest then?" Percy asked, his voice still rather hostile.

"Spend some time with your family and build the relationships you need to feel like less of an outsider."

"I don't know where to begin."

"Well spending time with them for the next couple weeks is a good start."

"So you'll release me?"

"I'll release you to the care of your family but I hope you will come back and set up an appointment with me. I'd like to explore your feelings further. Take this journal with you and write in it how you feel and then we can talk about it, and the progress you've made."

Percy thanked the doctor but had no intention of returning to speak with him. He shook the doctor's hand and waited for him to leave before changing into his clothes.

Alicia was waiting for him in the lobby. "Hi Percy," she greeted him. He gave her a small smile and greeted his nephew who was standing beside her leg.

"So you're my babysitter?" he asked.

"I'm taking you home and George is coming tonight. I think Hermione is coming in the morning." Percy tried to hide his grimace. "I know this is hard for you but we're doing it because we care."

"I know," Percy responded. "I can go to the bathroom by myself though right?"

"We'll have to see," she teased. Alicia was one of the few sisters in law he felt close to. He had no relationship with Fleur, and Hermione tried to get close to him but Ron would always step in. Alicia had forced George to face Percy in the aftermath of Fred's death and accept that Percy was not responsible.

"Shall we Floo?" Alicia asked.

"No we should take a cab. My neighbours might get all freaked out if we just show up."

"I always forget they are Muggles."

Percy smiled before climbing into the cab next to Frederick. Frederick seemed excited by this new mode of transportation and began talking their ears off the whole way to Percy's suburban home.

When they arrived, Percy handed some money to the cab driver and then lifted Frederick out of the car so Alicia wouldn't have to. She had informed him in the cab that she and Hermione had cleaned his home, but that did nothing to ease his concern as he looked up at the looming two storey house.

He unlocked the door and tried to swallow the bile that rose in his throat as he went inside. Frederick and Alicia followed behind him cautiously. Alicia set Frederick up with some toys in the living room while she allowed Percy a moment to take in his surroundings.

"It never feels like home," Percy whispered. Alicia felt she had nothing to say so she touched his arm instead. "I've never felt like I had a home."

"Please let your family in," Alicia said gently.

Percy dropped onto the forest green sofa and buried his face in his trembling hands. Frederick watched his uncle with cautious curiosity, but then returned his attention to his toys. Alicia laid her hand on Percy's back as he choked back sobs. "I've really screwed up."

"What are you talking about?" she asked; unsure what mistake in his life he was referring to.

"I pushed her away just like I did my mother."

"Your mother loves you and she wants you to be okay."

"I can't save my marriage."

"What part of that really bothers you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you grieving the loss of your wife, or are you more upset that you feel you failed at your marriage?"

Percy met Alicia's steady gaze and frowned. "I can't describe my love for Shannon in any normal terms. I love the ideal of having a wife and attempting to live a normal life. I just wanted to be normal. I wanted to pretend that I wasn't a massive failure. I wanted to prove I could do the things everyone else could. In the end I did fail and that knowledge hurts the most."

"That is why she left. You didn't love her enough."

"I don't think I know how," he confessed.

"This situation is your chance. Forgive yourself, build the bridges back that you burned with your family and when true love comes along you will be able to experience it."

"It isn't that easy Alicia. I wish it were. I always thought I loved Shannon, that she was my better half. The thing is she was my rock. I wasn't capable of facing the world on my own. Reality terrified me. She offered me a chance to live a fantasy, a chance to escape the life I didn't want to be a part of any longer. I thought what I had with her was love, but I don't know what love is. I can't experience it because I hate myself too much."

Alicia was ashamed when her eyes filled with tears. She wanted to be there for Percy, but seeing such a broken man expressing his deep rooted pain in such open terms pained her more than she expected. She wrapped an arm around her brother in law as an attempt to comfort them both.

"Your family loves you. That is true genuine love…"

"My brothers never included me. I was always an outcast. I never felt love for them, so how could they possibly love me. I was ashamed of being a Weasley," as the words slipped from his mouth Percy felt sick and stood up from Alicia's comforting embrace. "Please give me a moment," he said as he stepped out into the backyard.

Alicia fixed Frederick a snack as she waited for Percy to have his moment alone. He returned about an hour later, and she could tell he had been crying.

He went into the kitchen. "Can I offer you some tea?" he called.

She accepted the offer and continued playing with Frederick until he entered the living room. "I am going to put him down for a nap. Do you have a bedroom you would prefer me to put him in?"

Percy nodded and led her upstairs. She placed him on the bed and placed pillows around him to keep him from falling off the bed. Then the two descended the stairs and returned to their tea. "Can I share something with you?" she asked and waited for him to nod for her to continue. "Percy I remember Fred's face the night he died. He was smiling. You put that smile there and it was genuine. If you didn't love your brother you wouldn't feel so guilty. I think you live with guilt because you never felt you had the chance to apologize to Fred for leaving or give him the time to forgive you. The fact is he had. I knew Fred so well, and I know that if you could put that smile on his face, then he had forgiven you. You may have left, but you came back. That is what mattered to your brother, because, as much as you don't want to believe it, he loved you."

"You don't understand. When I left, I felt nothing but hostility towards my siblings."

"Lots of siblings feel that way."

"Yeah but you don't watch them die before you even get the chance to make amends for your childhood. For years, I almost wanted him to disappear. When it happened I was hit with the reality of what I had done, of what I robbed Angelina of."

"Angelina would never hold anything against you. Before that night she and Fred talked several times about the chance of death on the frontlines. We all knew it was a possibility. No one in their right mind would blame you."

"George did."

"I said right mind and George was angrier at losing his twin than anything else. He just wanted someone else to take Fred's place and that could have been anyone. George was a mess but that certainly wasn't your fault…" Percy's mind transported him back to the first time he had seen George after Fred's death.

_Shannon saw George coming toward them and placed a gentle hand on Percy's arm. Percy was afraid to look at him because he knew when he did he would see Fred staring back at him._

_"Happy now?" George shouted; the scent of Firewhisky hot on his breath. _

_"George I am so sorry," Percy said gently, seeing the look of pure hatred in his brother's eyes. _

_"FRED IS DEAD. What a twisted fate. You leave. You abandon us, yet the one who dies is Fred. HE DESERVED TO LIVE." Alicia tried to grab his arm to calm him but he shook her off. _

_Bill and Charlie grabbed their brother and held him back, as rough, angry sobs escaped his lips. _

_"Enough," Angelina screamed, her voice was hoarse and she looked moments away from tears. "This is not what he wanted. He would not want anger at his funeral. Fred was not an angry person."_

_"He'd rather be alive," George muttered tersely as he jerked himself free from his brothers. _

_"Well he's not," she cried. "He can't be here to defend himself and you know that this isn't what he wanted. You are his twin George and you knew him the best. Don't try and tell me he would have wanted this." The tears were spilling down her face now. _

_"I'm so sorry," Percy repeated. Shannon ran a hand down his back. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry."  
_  
_"For what?" George growled. "Killing him?"_

_"He didn't kill him," Shannon argued. _

_"You distracted him. If you had have kept your arrogant mouth shut…"_

_"George," Alicia yelled. "Did you hear Angelina?"_

_"No one understands," George said, turning to face his girlfriend. "Not you. Not Angelina. I am totally alone and that is something no one can fathom. Nothing can bring back the bond someone has with their twin. There is no substitute."_

_"George you need to calm down," Bill said gently. "Yelling at us won't replace him either. We know you're angry, but taking it out on everyone won't change the past. He's gone, but he wouldn't want you to ruin your life."_

_George's hand made contact with Bill's face in what seemed like a reflex. "No one knows what Fred would have wanted. Leave me alone and you…" he said turning on Percy. "Get the hell out of my face."_

"Percy did you hear what I said?" Alicia asked.

Percy shook his head and tried to wipe his mind of one of his most painful memories. "I'm sorry. This isn't an easy subject for me."

"If you had died that night both Fred and George would have been consumed with guilt for the way they treated you growing up. Contrary to your belief, they all loved you."

Percy stood up suddenly, placing his tea cup delicately onto the coffee table. He went into the kitchen and stared out of his window to the suburban neighbourhood that he called home. Alicia watched him from the doorway. She knew this was all very hard for him. He was still not capable of dealing with his demons, but she knew now was the time for him to finally come to grips with Fred's death and how none of it was his fault.

"When I was a little girl my father always used to tell me that bad things happen for a reason. These horrible occurrences help us appreciate the good. When he died I didn't understand that. I was too angry that my father had been taken from me. When I grieved for him and time went by I realized how lucky I had been to be blessed with such a wonderful father. I still have such amazing memories of the time I spent with him. I wish everyday it could have been longer but it couldn't."

"At least you have good memories. I don't," Percy confessed and Alicia felt an empty sadness overtake her.

"Think of one time when Fred made you smile. One moment when you thought to yourself: I love him."

As Percy heard her words tears began to spill down his cheeks. "Just before he died, when he laughed at my joke I felt accepted by him." His admission made Alicia gasp audibly. She contorted her face to try and keep the tears from falling, but she could not control them. The most vivid and happy memory Percy could find ended in Fred's death.

"I'm going to take a shower," Percy said suddenly. "I just need to be clean." Alicia nodded her head in understanding. She brought their tea cups into the kitchen and started to wash them.

During Percy's shower Frederick awoke and Alicia brought him downstairs for a snack.

In the midst of reading a book to her son, Percy reappeared clad in a clean blue sweater and a pair of khaki pants. "That feels better. The hospital isn't exactly the most comfortable place to be."

Alicia smiled. "I hope that encourages you to have no reason to go back."

Percy tried to smile, but his face instantly turned into a frown. "How am I going to make up for all that I have done?"

"You can start by helping me make dinner," George said from the doorway.

"Daddy," Frederick exclaimed, as he ran from his mother to his father's waiting arms.

"Good evening son," George said as he kissed the tuft of red hair on Frederick's little head. "Are you having a good day?"

The little boy nodded vigorously and told him all about the cab ride. "He is just like Dad," George said with a laugh.

Percy smiled. "Dad would have spent the whole ride asking the cab driver to explain how it all worked. I can make dinner, what would you guys like?" Percy asked, changing the subject.

"I'll help," George said and Percy could tell he wanted to talk. George set his son down and Fred went to where his mother was sitting by his toys.

Percy followed George into the kitchen. "I know you feel like we are babysitting you, but we will try and stay out of your way," George promised.

"It's okay. I understand the concern, but I'm not going to try and kill myself again."

"That's good to hear. If you do, I might have to kill you myself," George said; a smile evident on his handsome face. "Just kidding."


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter.**

**Chapter 5**

For dinner the men served a pasta dish & salad. Alicia attempted to eat some but her stomach would not allow that. Instead she ended up spending the evening spilling her stomach contents in the loo. She was not impressed with whoever thought to call the worst nauseous feeling she could imagine 'morning sickness'.

When Alicia felt she could stand she gathered her son's things to take him home to bed and kissed her husband goodnight. She bid Percy a good night as well and then carried Frederick to the fireplace so that they could Floo home.

"So big brother…" George said, as he flicked his wand so that their dishes flew to the sink. "How about a game of cards?"

Percy smiled. "Game?"

"I vote poker."

"Wages?"

"Of course," George said. "How about other players?"

"Who?"

"Our brothers of course."

Percy nodded his head slowly, as a nervous feeling came over him. He swallowed the bile rising in his throat and his eyes shifted to the window, to escape the feeling of fear that was suddenly consuming him. He could see one of his neighbours outside playing catch with his son and Percy wondered if he would ever experience something as innocent as a father/son relationship. Deep down he had a feeling he never would.

George flicked his wand for the second time and a Patronus flew out of the room. He smiled at Percy. "It will be fun," George promised.

Twenty minutes later Ron, Harry and Bill arrived with potato chips and Firewhisky. They sat around a card table George had made appear in the living room. For the first time in his life Percy felt like he belonged. Each man shared stories of their respective lives. The room was filled with laughter that reverberated off the walls, and for the first time made the house feel like a home.

At the end of the night a very drunk Ron won the pot and went home to celebrate with his wife who had been spending the evening with Ginny.

XXXXX

The next morning came all too soon and Percy crawled out of bed at nine to find George already in the kitchen. "Morning," George chirped, as he handed a tea to Percy.

"You're up early."

"Another condition of having children," he said, with a hearty laugh. "You just get used to being awake at 6:30."

"I don't think I'll have any."

"You might change your mind."

"I just don't see myself as the father type."

"I didn't see myself as being anything when Fred died. I just wanted to curl up in bed and die too. Lucky for me Alicia wouldn't have that. She kicked my arse out of bed and told me the last thing that Fred would want is me feeling sorry for myself. The shop is his legacy and so is the life I live. He died so we could be free to fulfil our destinies. At one time I couldn't see that but my son allowed me to see hope again. My love for Alicia kept me strong through some of the worst times. You can have that. Shannon was just not the right woman for you."

Percy swallowed the last drop of his tea. "I used her," he said sadly, "but I do love her."

"Enough to save the marriage?"

"There is nothing I can do to save it."

"So you don't love her enough."

"She's not giving me the chance."

"Because you're not fighting for her. When Alicia was pregnant with Frederick we got into a huge fight and she left to stay with her mother." Percy was surprised to hear this, as he always thought that George and Alicia had a perfect marriage. "I knew I was wrong so I enlisted the help of Angelina. She took Alicia out for the day and brought her to the park where I had set up a private picnic. When I got through to her I apologized and begged her for a second chance. Marriages take work."

Percy buried his face in his hands and groaned. "I just don't have the energy to fight anymore."

"Then don't. Sign the papers and let her go."

"She is the only one who stood by my side over the years. Without her I would have killed myself long ago."

"You are not indebted to her. I know it's hard to let her go, but she saved you years ago. Now it's your turn to save her happiness."

"I know. It's just so hard."

George patted his brother on the back. "It's the only way," he offered. Percy nodded his head sadly in agreement.

"Thanks," Percy said gently.

"I have to head to the shop," George announced. "Hermione is coming over in half an hour."

"Ron is letting her?"

George grinned. "Ron could never let Hermione do anything. He wouldn't even try and control her that way."

"I just didn't think he wanted me around her."

"Even if he didn't, he would never tell her not to be. You missed their duel back at school. She had him down faster than you could say 'sickle'."

Percy laughed, picturing Ron attempting to battle Hermione's talent. "Yeah, I don't see him winning."

George looked at the clock on the pale yellow wall of the kitchen. "I'm heading to the shop. Are you going to be okay?"

"I'll be fine. I am going to call the office and see if some work can be faxed over."

"What's faxed?" George asked with confusion.

Percy smiled. "It's a Muggle contraption; like a really fast owl."

George nodded lethargically and went to the fireplace to Floo to work. Percy watched him leave and then breathed a sigh of relief. He was finally home alone. He stood in the kitchen and began to hand wash his dishes. It was something he felt he had to do. It was something that reminded him of Shannon.

An owl suddenly appeared on the window sill and after Percy looked around his neighbourhood to ensure a nosy neighbour wasn't watching, he opened the window and took the letter that was attached to its leg. As he read the contents of the note his stomach dropped. Angelina was in labour and she was still in London. He grabbed his wand and Apparated to St. Mungos.

"I'm glad you could make it," Ginny said, when Percy arrived in the waiting room. "Tyler isn't in the country yet and she asked us all to be here, as she still sees us as her family."

"Where's Mum?"

"In the room with Angelina, her mother and Alicia."

They paced the waiting room as they waited. For Percy time seemed to be taking longer to slide by. Suddenly a scream was heard and the word spoken with it pierced Percy's heart and he felt it shatter yet again. "_Fred_," Angelina cried out. Percy was instantly transported back to the night of the war.

_Angelina entered the great hall; creases evident on her forehead as her eyes slid from one side of the room to the other. A smile crossed her face when she saw the familiar red hair of the Weasley family and she started to move towards them quickly. Suddenly she saw what they were standing around. She stopped in her tracks and let out a blood curdling scream that had haunted Percy for life. She dropped to her knees as her hands flew to her face. She began sobbing so hard it sounded as if she could not breathe. She crawled to Fred and started feeling for a pulse. "No…No Fred… NO," she screamed, as she shook his lifeless body._

_George put his hand on her shoulder, as she buried her face into Fred's dirty robes. Percy wanted to be anywhere but there as he watched the all encompassing grief that consumed his brother's fiancé._

_Alicia arrived and pulled Angelina into an embrace. Angelina rested her head on her best friend's shoulder as she gagged through her tears. "Tell me he isn't gone," she begged._

_"I'm so sorry," Alicia whispered. She reached her other hand out to George, who took it willingly and sat down on the floor next to the girls._

_Katie and Lee arrived and huddled with their friends. Percy watched from a distance. His parents were quietly comforting one another, Hermione was rubbing her hand against Ron's back as he buried his face in her curls, Ginny was being held by Harry, and Bill was comforting Fleur. He was the only one alone. His eyes made contact with Penelope's from across the room and she gave him a look of pity before turning away. She had never been able to accept him when he went to the ministry. She thought his choice to leave his family was appalling._

_Angelina let out another shriek but her hand was clutching her stomach and she doubled over in pain. Alicia asked her what was wrong but she didn't get an answer as Angelina began to cry harder. They would later find out she suffered a miscarriage without ever even knowing she was pregnant._

_At the time the only thing they could do was take her to the infirmary, though dragging her away from Fred's body had proven quite a feat. She had clutched on to him, begging for them to just leave her there with him._

_It was at that point that Percy Disapparated away, unable to watch his family fall apart any further. It had been then that he had gone to Shannon and then that their lives had begun together._

Several other healers came running by towards her room and everyone became very nervous.

A man came toward them. His face looked hollow from years of exhaustion. His hair had turned grey and his eyes held a sadness that even Percy couldn't compete with. "Are you here for Angelina Johnson?" he asked. The group nodded nervously in response. "She bled out during delivery. This happens from time to time but it is very serious. We are doing all we can to keep her alive, but she is currently unconscious. Both babies are fine, however."

Percy felt sick, and Hermione used her free hand that wasn't around Ron to touch his shoulder. He wished Shannon were there to comfort him and then he realized that was all she ever was for him: a security blanket.

Ginny came to them and asked if they wanted to see the babies. They followed her to the nursery where she muttered an incantation under her breath and the door unlocked. A healer smiled at them and then turned to attend to a crying infant.

Percy's eyes fell on the two bassinets labelled "Baby Johnson". He felt drawn towards the babies. They were so little and he suddenly realized how much he had missed in his own family. He had never seen his niece or nephew when they were newborn. He only ever saw them at Christmas. He decided to be a better uncle to his niece and nephew from then on.

As the minutes passed by admiring the infants Percy wondered if Angelina would even get to see her newborn babies. She was only a few rooms away fighting for her life. He couldn't imagine these poor children never knowing their mother. He thought about his own mother and the way he had destroyed their relationship. He felt very guilty when he thought about the tears she had in her eyes when she handed him a gift at Christmas, or the way she looked at him at Fred's funeral. She had looked so broken. He hoped both the little babies in front of him would never see that look in their mother's eyes.

_Meanwhile Angelina was lost in a dark dense fog. She could see a figure up ahead. As she got closer she recognized his handsome face. She started to run towards him. "Fred," she cried, but he put his hand up in response._

_"You need to turn back."_

_"I need you," she cried._

_"Your babies need you. You have to go back to them."_

_"I miss you. Please just hold me."_

_"I can't. It's not your time. Go back to your babies. I'll be here at the end."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"You have nothing to be sorry for. Tyler is a good guy. This is what I want for you, my Angel. Live your life and come back to me in the very end."_

_Angelina wiped away her tears. "I will never stop thinking about you."_

_"I'll love you for eternity Ange. Go home now. They need you. Please tell Percy that I don't hold anything against him," Fred said as he faded into the fog._

"Is she going to wake up?" a familiar voice asked.

"We're doing all we can."

"Which is what?" he demanded. She recognized Tyler's voice.

She opened her eyes and reached out for him. "Tyler," she whispered.

"Angie, you're awake," he said tenderly.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize for anything."

"Yes I do. I haven't been fair to you. I have been so wrapped up in losing Fred…"

"It was a devastating loss."

"It was, and it will always be a part of my past, but my future is with you and our babies. I am going to devote myself to being your wife now."

Tyler had to wipe away the tears in his blue eyes. He pressed a kiss to Angelina's lips and felt her smile against him. "You make me very happy Angie."

"You make me happy too. Can I see my babies now?" she asked.

Within minutes two little bassinets were levitated into the room. Percy watched from the doorway as the new mother held her babies for the first time. Alicia came in and sat next to Angelina's bed. "They're absolutely beautiful Angie."

"Thank you," Angelina replied, as she looked at her friend. "Is Katie here too?"

Alicia nodded. "She is in the gift shop." Both women giggled at the thought that only Katie would find shopping at a hospital.

"Speak of the devil," Angelina said as Katie burst into the room. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired. I think I had a near death experience… I saw Fred."

"You saw Fred?" Katie asked, as she set down the two giant teddy bears she had been carrying.

"He told me he was okay with Tyler."

"Sweetheart, he would never hold you moving on against you. He loved you more than anything else in this world. He would want you to be happy."

"I felt the same way for him."

Moving on doesn't mean you have to forget him," Alicia offered.

"I never will, but I can't let his death control my life anymore. I have two babies and a husband to think about."

"You are going to be a wonderful mother." Angelina smiled as a calming sense of happiness came over her. She knew now that this was the life she was meant to live. She turned to the door and smiled at Percy who was still waiting to see her. He smiled back.

"Can I have a moment alone with Percy?" Angelina asked her friends. They both nodded and reached for the babies but Angelina assured them she would be fine.

Percy entered the room. "I told you that I would come and visit. They are both beautiful."

"Thank you." Angelina looked down at the infants in her arms and smiled again. "This is the mark of a new life for myself. I am finally letting go of my past."

"I thought you already had."

"Every day I still felt this emptiness in my life, thinking about what Fred was missing out on. However, while I was unconscious today I saw Fred." Percy swallowed roughly as he waited for her to continue. "He asked me to tell you that nothing is your fault."

"You were dreaming while unconscious," he said sceptically.

"It wasn't like a dream… Besides whatever it was, I feel like everything is going to be okay now."

"What do you mean everything is okay?"

"This is what Fred would want for me."

Percy felt like he usually did when someone claimed to know what Fred would want but he bit back his snide comment when he looked into the new mother's tired face. "He'd rather be alive."

"Of course he would. Sometimes in life you have to make the best out of what you do have. In our current situation I know Fred would not want us to be miserable, because he loved having fun in life."

"He would want me to be," Percy snapped.

"You are wounded," she said sadly. "I always told him he should be nicer to you. He was your brother and sure he took pleasure in making your life hell, but he still loved you and he would want you to be happy."

"I don't deserve to be loved," he said angrily. One of the babies started to cry in response. "I'm sorry," he said as he tried to help her soothe the infant.

"Everyone deserves to be loved," she said aloud, as she focussed on her crying child.

"I abandoned my family."

"We all make mistakes and we all have our reasons. I cheated on Tyler once to push him away because I thought I didn't deserve to be loved because I was falling for someone who wasn't Fred. I was consumed with guilt; I felt as though I was cheating on Fred. Tyler forgave me, just like your family did you. I could have walked away and continued to punish myself for moving on, but instead Tyler got me help. I see a psychologist once a month and I am finally off my anti depressant potion."

Percy looked down at the ground. "I don't know how to stop hating myself."

"Sit down with a psychologist, find the root of your issues and fix your life."

"I'm glad you found happiness Angie."

"Me too. I hope you do someday too."

Percy reached out and held Angelina's hand for a moment. She squeezed his encouragingly and then he said goodbye and left the room. He waved goodbye to Tyler and continued walking until he reached the wing of the hospital specific to mental health. He decided it was time to fix what was broken in his life. He didn't want to spend the rest of his existence miserable because his brother had died.

After making an appointment with the psychologist Percy hailed a cab and climbed into the back. He was ready to head home and start to make the necessary changes in his life, so that he could move on.

He pulled into the driveway and found Shannon sitting on the hood of her car. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

She grabbed a large pile of papers off of her front seat. "Can we go inside and talk?"

Percy felt bile rise in his throat. He nodded quickly, choosing not to speak and risk losing his stomach contents on his front step. She followed behind him, obviously feeling nervous about the talk they were about to have.

As she stepped within the confining walls of the suburban home, she drew in a deep breath and slid her dark sunglasses onto the top of her head. "I need you to sign these."

"Shouldn't we talk about this?" Percy questioned, as he stared at the papers in her hand.

"I just want this to be over," she sighed.

"We are talking about a marriage. Why aren't you upset?" he demanded.

"I am Percy. I have flirted with leaving you for two years. I kept on believing that you would change, but you never did. I'm just ready for this to be over. I need to move on."

"I still love you," he said, as he lifted the quill and scribbled his signature on each of the designated lines.

"Love isn't enough," she reiterated one last time.

"I just wish it could have been."


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter.**

**Chapter 6**

After Shannon had left, Percy stood frozen in the kitchen staring down at his trembling hands. He had just divorced his wife. It was all over. He felt so lost; like his identity had been stripped away from him. He had no idea who he was anymore. For so long he knew himself as Shannon's husband.

He dropped his gaze to the floor and felt instantly dizzy. He opened the locked cupboard they had for potions and found one to stop the room from spinning. He sat down at the kitchen table and tried to figure out what he was going to do. He heard a knock at the door and somehow found the strength within himself to answer it. He pulled it open and stood face to face with Bill. "What are you doing here?" he asked, as politely as he could manage.

"I just wanted to check in on you," Bill explained.

"Well I am officially divorced. We signed the papers."

"I'm sorry Percy."

"It's weird. I don't even feel sad. I just feel confused," Percy confessed, as he put on the kettle for tea.

"Well getting divorced is a really big change and sometimes we get lost in big changes."

"Where do I go from here?"

"Wherever you want. This is your life. You get to decide what to do with it."

"I've never thought about changing it. I didn't really get the choice. It just happened."

"What do you want out of your life?" Bill asked.

Percy thought about this question, as he watched the kettle boil. "I have never really thought about it."

"Well think about it and make it happen." Bill said. He watched his brother making tea for a moment before bringing up the one thing he felt he had to say. Percy had set the tea in front of him and was looking at him curiously. "Have you spoken to Mum?" Bill suddenly said.

"I spoke to her when I left the hospital," Percy said evasively.

"I know that you have your issues with her but she really loves you. You can't keep hurting her like this."

Percy felt anger rise inside of him, but he chose to ignore it. He knew what Bill was saying was true, but the thought of dealing with the issues he had with his mother was overwhelming. "I plan to speak with her; just not yet."

"Do you have any idea what you're going to say?" Bill asked gently.

"Nope. I don't even know what I'm feeling; let alone how I'm going to say it," Percy admitted, as he stared down at the shiny red mug in his hands.

The brothers sat in silence for a moment, both lost in what to say. Bill interrupted the silence. "We're announcing Fleur's pregnancy on Sunday at dinner." Percy nodded, though he had no idea why he was being told this. "Maybe you can come…"

"I'll see if I can catch up on my work," Percy said instantly. _Old habits die hard_, he thought. "You know what, I'll come."

Bill looked at his brother in awe. "Really? I hoped you would, but I was afraid you'd turn me down."

"Its time I get to know my family," Percy replied, shocked at his own honesty. He had gotten so used to lying to himself and everyone around him. This was his chance to turn his life around and know the nieces and nephews he could never be bothered with before.

XXXXX

As the day of the family dinner approached, Percy felt increasingly nervous. He had plans to go earlier in the afternoon and see his mother. He felt it was time to deal with all of their issues and move past them.

On Friday as he closed up his office, he saw one of his coworkers leaning against the water cooler. "Carly ran into your wife the other day," the man named Mike said. He had been referring to his own wife. Percy had met her several times at different social functions. He and Shannon had even tried a double date with Mike and Carly. He had not liked her in all the times he met her. She seemed to thrive on gossip and spent every waking moment discussing the numerous rumours she had heard in great detail. In fact the only thing she seemed to have going for her was her looks. She seemed the muggle form of a Veela. She had long blonde hair, which she always seemed to have perfect. Her skin was pale but her cheeks always had a touch of pink. Her eyes were a sparkling shade of blue and he imagined if one tried, they would get lost in them. She spent most of the time when she talked running her perfectly manicured fingers through her locks of gold. Every evening after he and Shannon left the company of Mike and Carly, Shannon seemed more self conscious than he ever saw her.

"Oh yeah," Percy said awkwardly, hoping beyond hope that he hadn't heard about his divorce.

"She had come into the real estate office looking for a rental," Mike said. "When she asked if you were both moving, she said not exactly. Are things okay with the missus?"

"Yeah, things are fine. We are considering some remodelling, so we thought about renting a flat for a while."

Mike looked at him sceptically. His dark eyes roamed over the red headed man in front of him. "Really? You don't have to tell me if you're having problems, but if you want to talk about it…"

Percy did not want to talk about it, especially not with the husband of the gossip queen. "Thanks for the offer, but things are fine… I really must get going. I have a family holiday this weekend."

"Well have a good weekend then," Mike offered, still eyeing Percy with great suspicion.

Percy tried to walk as quickly as possible out of the office, offering one word goodbyes to any of his coworkers that tried to speak with him. As he reached the basement car park he breathed a sigh of relief. He used to take pleasure in his job. However, today he just wanted to escape Number 10 Downing Street. He felt as if they had all be watching him with interest, like they too were suspicious of his relationship with his now ex-wife.

Percy drove home in a state of utter depression. He felt sick at the thought of seeing his family and worried that the Muggle community would soon know of his failed marriage. He imagined Carly telling the story to a bunch of the wives of men in his office and he suddenly felt quite incensed. He could not believe Shannon would be so obvious about leaving him. He had a reputation to uphold and now everyone would know he couldn't even keep his wife happy. His mind was already playing out the many ways the press would take the news.

He put his car in park in the driveway and ripped the keys from the ignition. He couldn't explain the anger that clung to him like the sweat from a hot fever. He marched towards the entranceway when he heard someone say his name. His neighbour Trevor had been cutting the grass.

"How is it going Trevor?"

"All right Percy. Is everything all right with you? I noticed Shannon hasn't been around lately."

"She's visiting her mother," Percy lied. "Her mother isn't well."

"Oh dear, well that's a shame. You had a visitor today."

"Did you talk to them?"

"Yes, he looked a bit like you. He said he was your brother Charlie."

Percy bit his lip. He hadn't heard that Charlie was visiting. "Oh really? Did he mention if he was coming back?"

"He said he'd be by later this evening. He sure had some awful scarring. I know I shouldn't mention such things, but some of them looked quite fresh. He is not in any danger is he?"

Percy swore under his breath. Muggles were not used to seeing dragon injuries. He could just imagine what Trevor must be thinking. "He was recently injured at work."

"Oh what does he do?"

Percy tried to think of a dangerous Muggle occupation. "He's a fireman," Percy finally said.

"Well, I'm glad he wasn't killed then. He didn't look in good shape. I considered suggesting he visit a hospital, but I didn't want to be rude."

"I'll look after him when he returns," Percy said, trying not to let his anger invade his even tone.

Percy bid his neighbour good evening after a few more minutes of small talk. Then he went inside. He looked around his immaculate home in search of something to pass the time. He decided perhaps making dinner would kill some time, so he went about making a meal when he heard a knock on the door. He wiped his hands on the tea towel and then opened the front door. "Charlie what are you doing here?" he asked.

"Visiting my little brother," he explained. "I've come home for a visit."

"Because you heard about me?"

"Well I received an owl from Mum of course. However, I was already planning to come."

"You gave my neighbour quite a fright today," Percy said, as he examined the angry slashes that were fresh in Charlie's flesh.

"We had a rough horntail and I got stuck with it. Let's not talk about me. Tell me how you are holding up."

"I'm fine," Percy said, as he opened the cupboard of potions and found one for cuts so he could help his brother's wounds.

"No you're not. I know you well enough to know that your wife leaving kills you. Not even because the marriage is over, but because you always try to give off the image of a perfect life, with a perfect wife."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Percy demanded, stepping back from his brother, as he glared at him.

"I knew Shannon didn't make you happy. I remember the first Christmas you brought her home to the burrow. She looked at you with such loving adoration and you showed her off like a trophy. I never saw you look at her with any kind of happiness or love. Bill told me your wedding had been rather methodical. You married her because you wanted everyone to think you were living a happy, normal life. Let's be honest here, little brother, you're not happy and you don't feel normal."

"Thanks for the update," Percy said snidely.

"Look, you can't live your life to show up other people. You think I don't know that the family questions my sexual orientation, or that Mum badgers me to find a wife and settle down?"

"I don't…"

"I'm not interested in men. Quite the opposite actually. However, I have no interest in getting married. I'm happy with my dangerous career and the occasional bed partner. My life is far from normal and I'm quite okay with that. You don't have to live the life you think Mum would expect of you."

"I…"

"Don't try and contradict what I just said. I know I am speaking the truth."

"Your life is different than mine is. You live for adventure. My home life reflects my professional life. My marriage ending is going to hurt me at work and I care about my job," Percy said, as he doused some of the potion on his brother's wounded flesh.

"Because you're in power right? You always loved high powered positions. Not much has changed since you joined the Muggle world and Muggle office. You still need to be important."

"Well at least I am important somewhere," Percy snapped, his eyes alight with fury.

"That's what this is about isn't it? We made you feel unwanted as a kid, so now you strive to be wanted in the world. If your job is important and people like you, you think it will make up for your childhood," Charlie said, as he snatched the cloth and started dabbing his wounds himself.

"You don't know anything," Percy muttered. "You don't understand me."

"Oh I do. I understand you perfectly well. You always felt slighted as a kid. I will admit Bill and I were not nice to you. In fact we were downright cruel. Fred and George weren't any better. So you needed to prove you were normal. You wanted everyone to see just how normal and successful you could be. You went too far though. You became so obsessed in your quest for power that you decided being a Weasley was more of an embarrassment than anything else. I quite recall hearing from Bill that you didn't even visit Dad at St. Mungo's when he was near death. You were angry and you wanted to punish us. However, when it turned out the ministry was wrong you came to your senses. Of course you felt it was too late. You thought you could make peace with us, but Fred died instead and you have felt responsible every day since. So you married the one woman that wanted you, because you strive to be wanted. However, now she doesn't want you anymore. You feel alone again, reminiscent of your childhood, so you tried to off yourself."

Although Percy was furious at his brother, he said nothing. Perhaps because he knew everything his brother had just said was true. He turned his back on Charlie and started pulling his dinner from the stove.

"You can ignore me Percy, but the truth isn't going to go away. I didn't say all that to you to be cruel. You need to face that reality and come to terms with it, if you want to move on and actually lead a normal life."

Percy swivelled around with a hot pan in his hands. "What do you want me to do?"

"Face it…"

"I am facing it. That is why I'm going to see Mum on Sunday. That is why I didn't fight Shannon when she brought the divorce papers for me to sign. That is also why I'm getting counselling," Percy shouted, as flashes of rage coursed through him.

Percy had suspected Charlie to look surprised at this news. Instead Charlie examined his brother with curiousity. "That's all well and good Perce. You can make things right with Mum and you can allow Shannon to no longer be your wife and you may be getting help dealing with it. That's not what I want you to do."

Percy looked at his brother incredulously, as he thrust the pan onto the counter. "What else is left?"

"I want you to stand here right now and I say 'I fucked up, but I forgive myself.' I want you to admit that you are worthy of the life that you desire. I don't care what your actions say. I want you to actually believe that you are okay and that you will be happy."

Percy backed up and crossed his arms across his chest, as if to put as much distance between himself and Charlie as possible. He tried to find the right words to say. He had nothing.

"Struck a nerve, have I?" Charlie said. "You put up a good act Percy, but you never face what troubles you the most. You hate yourself and what good does that do? You have found success. You have been married and you have a family that loves and forgives you. So what is the point of hating yourself? What does that accomplish?"

"It's what I deserve."

"No what you deserve is a kick in the arse. Get over it. You distracted Fred. We all know you did. It doesn't make his death your fault. Did you cast the curse? No. So get over it. Get over yourself. You could be very happy, but you choose not to be. Not because there is nothing in your life to bring you happiness, but because you close off from it, as some sort of sick punishment. You're worse than a house-elf."

Percy grimaced. "I don't know how to be happy. I don't know how to see something that brings other people joy and take joy from it."

"That is what the counselling is for. They will guide you. You can repeat your problems and dwell on them. You can cry about Fred and hate yourself, but that will never fix anything. The only thing left to do is find a way to appreciate your own life and enjoy it. You're alive and Fred isn't. So enjoy life for the brother that died so we could."

Percy finished putting his dinner onto a plate and offered some to Charlie. "I will work on myself," Percy promised.

Charlie nodded and accepted the plate of dinner. The two brothers ate in silence and then Charlie announced he was heading over to the Burrow. "I'll Disapparate a few blocks down. I didn't want to do it here, because I know you live around Muggles."

"Thanks Charlie," Percy said, before shaking his brother's hand. He watched his brother walk out the door and then frowned. There had been a lot of truth in what his brother had said, but he still had no idea how to go about dealing with it all.

He tried to distract himself from dwelling on the family dinner that was less than 48 hours away. He drummed his fingers against the counter after he finished the dishes. He felt very restless. He tried to think about something he could clean. He considered packing up Shannon's belongings for her, but he found he didn't have it in him. He wasn't ready for another drastic change.

He decided to watch the Muggle television set he had bought several years before. He had never really had time to watch it, but he knew Shannon had. He spent ten minutes studying the remote control and then flipped the on switch. It took him ten more minutes to figure out how to work it. He found himself a sitcom and sat back to watch. His reality dissolved around him and he became absorbed in his program.

XXXXX

Sunday morning came all too soon, and Percy was filled with the familiar urge to run. He considered just how far away he could get. He knew Bill would come looking for him, with Charlie and George in tow. He didn't feel like facing the wrath of his brothers. He knew it was time to be a man and talk to his mother about the mistakes he had made. So he plucked up the courage to roll out of bed.

He got ready as slowly as possible. He knew once he left, that the dread he was feeling would overtake him. After a breakfast of dry toast and tea, he cleaned his dishes and grabbed his keys from the hook above the door.

He drove slowly through the streets of London. He intended to drive to the outskirts of town and leave his car in an old abandoned home's driveway, where he would Apparate the rest of the way. He didn't like to Apparate from home, for fear that he would somehow be caught.

The Burrow looked the same as it always did when he arrived. The garden was filled with all sorts of random plants that needed pruning and plucking. Gnomes ran across the lawn, digging up holes every which way. He could see the silhouettes of his family in the sitting room and he tried to remember a time when he was part of that, but deep down he had never actually felt included. He always felt an outcast.

He slowly made his way towards the looming dilapidated building; that growing up he had attempted to call home. He knocked on the front door and waited for an answer.

The door swung open to reveal his mother. She looked more tired than the last time he'd seen her, but then he realized it had been a long time since he had examined her so closely. "Percy, come in," she exclaimed, a false cheery tone to her voice.

"Mum, I was hoping you and I could talk," Percy said awkwardly, as he shuffled his feet and found himself unable to meet her gaze.

"Of course dear," she said gently, but he could sense that she was nervous. He followed his mother into the kitchen as she bustled around the kitchen making tea, as if to avoid the elephant that was not only in the room, but was squeezing them out and suffocating them both.

"So… well Mum…" Percy began awkwardly and then frowned and started playing with a fork that had been left on the wooden table.

"I want you to know that I love you very much," Molly said. She looked at her son as she said this and she examined the hollow expression that played on his face. She always knew her son was conflicted but to see him broken before her eyes was very hard. She lowered her gaze to the inanimate object that he was twirling in his hands.

"I love you too Mum," Percy promised. He hoped he sounded sincere. He did love his mother, but at times he wondered if he was even capable of experiencing love. He wondered if his choices had truly destroyed any chance of innocent love from ever entering his life again.

"Did you feel as though I didn't love you?"

"I felt a lot of things," Percy admitted. "I was always left out from Charlie and Bill's games. At least then I had you. When you got pregnant with the twins, I felt so betrayed…"

"I always knew that had been rough on you. I tried to make it as easy as possible, but two new babies can take so much out of you."

"I resented them both so much as a child."

Molly filled the mugs of tea and looked at her son. "They didn't make things easy for you either," she said gently.

"I became obsessed with trying to get your attention. When I started at Hogwarts, I knew I had a chance to make you proud. As hard working as Bill and Charlie had been, their marks weren't always spectacular. I knew I could achieve the marks you wanted for your children. That was my goal. However, the twins were always getting into trouble and when you looked at my grades in my first year, Fred had lit George's hair on fire and you were too focussed on them to really care…"

Molly wiped tears from her eyes. "I did care. It was just such a difficult time. While you were gone for your first year the twins had taken to tormenting Ron. Ron was taking it out on Ginny and she was clinging to me for support."

"At 11 years old, I couldn't understand that. I just felt neglected."

"I tried to tell you I was proud whenever I had the chance."

"I know, but things got difficult at school. I was always being made fun of at school for being such a good student, and for my second hand robes. I started to become ashamed of being a Weasley. With my marks my professors started suggesting the top jobs in the ministry I would be qualified for and I suddenly had new ambitions. I was driven by this need to be in control of my own life and be a person you would be proud of. Somewhere along the way my obsession went too far and I lost my way."

"You found your way back to us though."

"Too little too late," he said gently.

"It's never too late for anyone in my family."

"I just don't understand how you could forgive the mistakes I made."

"We all make mistakes Percy; that is what makes us human after all. It's how we choose to handle the aftermath of our mistakes that defines who we really are. No one blames you for Fred's death. Ron, Hermione and Harry were all there too and they realize there was nothing that could be done. No one could have predicted the explosion. We were in a war and Fred chose to fight. I won't ever stop missing my son but dwelling on the 'what ifs' won't bring him back. You need to carry on with your life and live for the one that he lost. I know you carry around a lot of guilt but it's in vain. Nothing you do to punish yourself is going to somehow right the cosmos. We all have our crosses to bear. I have enough regret to fill the Atlantic Ocean, but I can't let it stop me from enjoying life. I have six wonderful children, two gorgeous grandchildren, a husband who has never left my side and daughters and a son in law that make me swell with pride. My family is what reminds me that life is worth being lived."

"I failed in my marriage," Percy said suddenly. "I pushed her away."

"Your marriage may not have survived, but if you find the strength in you now to change what you need to change, you can have love. It will happen for you some day. I believe everyone who wants to be, will be loved. Love is not something that is merely found, it is achieved between two people who find that they cannot live without one another. Love takes work. Sometimes it's a difficult battle and other days it is the best thing in your life."

Percy found himself speechless at his mother's words. He had never thought of his mother as particularly wise. Perhaps because he always felt that those with power were those that were wise. His mother who had never fancied a career, who stayed home to raise seven children, was very wise indeed. She knew more than he had ever imagined about issues of the heart.

Percy suddenly reached forward and took his mother's hand. "Thank you for always loving me. I know I made it hard at times, but your faith in the goodness within me means more than you will ever know. I love you mother."

Tears slid down Molly's cheeks, as she squeezed her son's hand in support. "I love you more than you'll ever understand," she replied.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter.**

**Chapter 7**

After a couple of minutes of being hugged by his mother, Percy was interrupted by a little blonde haired child that came running into the room and stopped to look at Percy with interest. Percy scooped up his niece and gave her a hug. It was the first real hug he had ever given the child. "Hi Victoire," he cooed gently.

A grin spread across her face. She seemed to appreciate the attention she was getting from the uncle she barely knew. He hadn't seen her for six months and when he had been at the burrow at Christmas, he had barely paid her any attention.

"Looks like she's found a friend," Bill commented as he came into the room. "I hope she didn't interrupt."

"Not at all, Dear," Molly said, as she smiled at her eldest son. "We were finished."

Percy was talking animatedly to the little girl in his arms and she was giggling in return. Bill couldn't help but smile at the pair. He had always hoped that Percy would develop a relationship with his children, as he felt family was so very important. For the first time he felt that hope was not in vain.

A few other family members slipped into the room and a casual conversation about dinner began. Percy noticed one family member that wasn't present and excused himself to search for the missing member. He found his father outside doing something in the broom shed. "Dad," Percy said, as he approached the door.

Arthur looked at his son momentarily before dropping his gaze back to the piece of Muggle equipment that he was tinkering with. "What can I do for you Percy?" Arthur asked.

Percy felt a whirl of emotions as his mind flashed back to the numerous times when he was a child and would cautiously approach his father in the broom shed. Sometimes he even got to take part in helping his father. Back then his father would have addressed him as son. "I was wondering if we could talk," Percy said tentatively.

"That's what we're doing isn't it?" Arthur's eyes never left the items in his hand as he said this.

"I'm sorry."

"What is it that you're sorry for?" Arthur asked indifferently.

"Everything," the younger man confessed. He didn't dare look up from the ground now for fear that tears would begin to well up in his eyes. "You have every right to be angry with…"

"I'm not angry," Arthur interrupted. "I am hurt and frustrated. I feel like no matter what we do you do not want to be included in this family. You distance yourself from us. You chose death over coming to your family for help. Why is that?"

"Because I never felt like I belonged. I have never felt like a member of this family. I had no one. You worked every day. You didn't see what it was like. Bill had Charlie. Fred had George and Ron had Ginny. They made my life miserable for sport. Do you understand that? Do you remember coming home night after night to find me in tears? Mum didn't have time to make me feel better. She was teaching seven children the basics before they went off to Hogwarts. It was a struggle every day of my life. Until I realized that good grades and a little ambition got me the attention I craved. So yeah I lost my mind. I made some huge mistakes. I hurt everyone that actually cared about me. I admit it all and I hate myself for it every day. I regret not visiting you in the hospital every second. You could have died and I was too stupid to realize that you cared about me. I'm sorry. I will be sorry until the day I die. Even now I feel ashamed to face you all. I have always felt an outsider; a failure."

Arthur was shocked to see the tears flowing so freely down his son's face. He felt a twinge of guilt for being responsible. "How do you feel about us now?" Arthur said; his voice much softer.

Percy swallowed the question and took a moment to absorb it before he responded. He ran his hand along the cracked wooden door frame and winced when he got a sliver. "I still have trouble feeling like I belong."

"Why is that?"

"I am just filled with self loathing. That is why I wanted to end it all, to save you the trouble of having a son that was such a pathetic failure. I don't feel worthy of being a member of this family."

"What are you doing about that?"

"I'm seeing a counsellor. I am going to get help, Dad. In the end I hope I can appreciate my life."

Arthur eyed his son cautiously. He noticed how thin he looked. Percy had developed a sickly look about him after Fred's death, but Arthur noticed it was now more defined. "Have you spoken to Shannon?"

"I signed the papers," Percy announced.

"I'm here to help you son. Next time you feel lost or you just need someone to talk to can you remember that I'm still your father?" He extended his hand out to the young man before him and smiled when his son accepted his hand. It was the closest the two men had felt in many, many years.

After feeling as though Percy had finally taken the necessary steps to fix the cracks in his relationships with his parents, he turned in search of his niece and nephew. He had never once gotten to know either child, sending them a book on their birthdays and another book at Christmas and never visiting in between. No other time had he shown any interest in them and even then, the interest had been nonexistent. This made him sad.

Instead of finding the two children however, he found Alicia sitting in a chair facing the window that looked out over the garden. He could tell she was upset by the way her whole body slumped. As he approached her, he saw her unshed tears sparkle in her eyes. Thinking about how much help she had been to him, he couldn't stop himself from interrupting her moment alone to ask if she wanted to talk about it.

She turned at the sound of his voice and tried to paste a smile onto her face. "Percy, I didn't hear you come in."

"If you want to be alone I will totally understand but if you want to talk I can try and help."

"That is really sweet but there isn't much you can do."

"Are you sure? I'd really like to try and help. You have done so much for me over the years…"

"It's nothing really. I'm just afraid to face something."

"Are you in any danger?"

"No, it's nothing like that. It's more about hurting someone." Alicia turned her attention back to the window as her tears began to slide down her cheeks. A grimace of pain flashed upon her pretty face, so Percy reached out and touched her arm.

"Alicia, please tell me what is bothering you. I really want to help."

"It's just that… I can't stand hurting her. The last time… she reacted like I had cursed her with the Cruciatus curse."

"Who are you talking about?" he prodded gently.

Alicia turned back to look at him, having forgotten who she was talking to. "Angelina," she breathed.

"How are you going to hurt her?"

The young witch ran her fingers through her dark hair and then looked down at her pressed black skirt. Her hands were trembling and he could tell she was reliving whatever it was that had hurt Angelina before. "For living the life that was supposed to be hers," Alicia answered, her voice sounding miles away. Alicia's mind was trapped in a memory that she feared would never stop haunting her.

_Alicia was very cautious as she placed her napkin back down on the table. Angelina was watching her curiously. "What are you hiding from me?" Angelina finally asked. _

_"What are you talking about?" Alicia demanded nervously. _

_"Alicia, I've known you long enough to know when you're trying to hide something."_

_Alicia frowned and tried to find a way to form the words she didn't want to say. "Well Angie… It's… I have something I have to tell you."_

_"Gee Alicia, I don't know what gave that away. Just tell me what it is."_

_"I'm… George and I… We're… Well we're expecting." In that instant the mug of Butterbeer slipped from Angelina's hand and shattered on the patio stones beneath their bistro table. "I'm sorry," Alicia cried. _

_"No… It's… It's great," Angelina stumbled over her words. Alicia watched as the witch struggled with the news and wondered if she was reliving the feeling of her child dying inside of her. She imagined it would be painful to see her and George move on when she was still so caught up in having lost Fred. "I'm so happy for you both," Angelina forced from her mouth._

_"An…"_

_"I actually have somewhere I have to be," she said. Alicia watched her stand up suddenly, her eyes revealing the lie that had rolled off of her tongue._

_Angelina threw some sickles on the table and ran from the café. Alicia watched her go, feeling miserable for having upset her friend so horribly. She apologized to the waiter, who had stepped forward to clean up the broken mug and wipe up the dripping Butterbeer. Then she dropped her head into her hands and tried to figure out what she should do. _

_In the midst of her mental debate of whether she should give Angelina some space or chase her down and try and talk her through it, she heard a throat clear and looked up._

_ "I'm sorry," Angelina said, as she sat back down across from her friend. "That wasn't fair to you."_

_"Angelina, I completely understand. I know that wasn't easy for you to hear."_

_"You have no idea. Every morning when I open my eyes I expect to see him next to me, his fingers still entwined with mine, as his muscular arm holds my body to his. Some nights I dream about our child. I've spent many nights wondering what he or she would have been like. Those are the things I will never get to feel again, or ever know. It hurts more than anything to know I lost that final part of him. He could have lived on in that child, and instead they are both dead."_

"Alicia, what are you talking about?" Percy said, pulling her from her reverie. "What do you mean the life she is supposed to be living?"

"I can't talk to you about this," she said evenly, as she stared at her hands.

"You can talk to me about it. I shared with you how I have felt since I was a child. You can confide in me."

"I'm pregnant," she whispered, as her eyes did a double check to ensure no one was listening just outside the room.

Percy pretended to be surprised at the news, even though George had already told him. "Really?" Percy responded politely.

"Last time…" Alicia trailed off again. She shook her head to clear her mind and forced herself to make eye contact with Percy again. "When I was pregnant with Frederick she didn't take it well. She lost hers and Fred's child during the war and she confided to me that not a day goes by that she doesn't wonder what that child would have been like. She felt like she had lost her last part of him when she discovered she had miscarried. My having George's child reminded her of what she had lost. She felt like I was getting the life that was supposed to be hers. I can still see the look of agony that flashed upon her face. I can still see the tears that sparkled in her eyes and eventually cascaded down her face. I had felt like I had broken her. Now I am terrified to tell her again. George wants to tell the family tonight, but I would rather tell Angelina first."

"I thought Angelina was going to try and make it tonight?"

"She is. George says that gives me plenty of time to tell her, but I hate to do it here. She just had the babies and she needs time to adapt to that before hearing my news."

"I don't know a whole lot about Angelina. However, I can already see that she is in a better place than what I remember of her after the war. She has a life now. When you were pregnant with Frederick she was still struggling to give herself a future. She doesn't need that baby anymore. It won't bring her back Fred and I think she knows that. I can see the change in her Alicia. She opened up to me a lot and she has healed herself."

Alicia nodded her head. "You're right she is better than she was. Tyler has saved her life."

"No, she saved her life. Tyler was there to lift her when she fell, but she made the choice to live. The choice I am making now because life is worth it," Percy suddenly announced.

Alicia burst into tears as she watched the transformation in her brother in law, as he found his inner strength, worth and purpose. He had finally found the path to recovery. She knew now that he was going to be okay.

Percy reached down and pulled his sister in law into an embrace. "You don't have to feel guilty for living your life."

She hugged him back as she cried into his shoulder. "Thank you for listening," she said gently, before heading out of the room.

After a moment Percy left the room and went back in search of his niece and nephew. He found the children playing with Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Harry. As he approached he noticed a look pass across his sister's face, one of pure heartbreak and instantly felt the need to comfort her. He threw his arm around her shoulders and asked if they could talk alone. She nodded her head and followed him away from the crowd.

"What's the matter?" he asked cautiously.

"What do you mean?"

"You don't have to hide from me Ginny. You look like your heart has shattered."

"I'm fine. I don't know what you are talking about?"

"I saw it as I approached you playing with the children." At the mention of the word children, he saw the same expression pass across her face. "Ginny what is going on?"

"I can't get pregnant," she confessed.

"How long have you been trying?"

"For two years," she said, as tears suddenly filled her brown eyes.

"It may just not be the right time."

"We've spoken to so many healers. Harry even took me to a Doctor in London who specializes in infertility problems for Muggles. I have taken so many potions and followed all of the advice. Yet it still won't happen."

"You can't force these things Gin. They happen when you least expect it."

"Or not at all. I want to be a mother and it's the one thing I can't have."

He reached over and brushed the tears away that fell down her cheeks. "It will happen for you some day. People keep telling me that I am going to meet the love of my life. At first I didn't want to believe it, as I felt that was giving me false hope. However, I suddenly realized it's all about hope. If you lose faith and hope for the future, then your life will seem bleak and unliveable. You have to believe in something. Believe you can have this child and someday you will be a mother."

Ginny looked at her brother with curiousity. "When did you become so optimistic?" she asked gently.

"I don't know. I guess the last few days have made me realize that I have a life to live. There is no point in giving up. You live once and in that life you have to find a way to make it worth it. I believe now in having faith in something. Hope can carry you when you fall down. That's why dreams exist."

"Shouldn't I be saying this to you? You're the one that was just hospitalized."

"I think you needed to hear it more than I do now. We all need to be comforted," he said, as he slid his arms around his sister's shoulders and kissed the top of her head. She smiled and hugged her brother.

After comforting his sister, Percy spent some time playing with the children. Both children seemed to enjoy his company. It may have had something to do with it being the first time Percy was interacting with a child and not lecturing them.

Time slid by and before anyone knew it they had been outside for over an hour. George and Bill came outside in search of their children. Frederick and Victoire ran, arms wide open, to their respective father's. They all went inside for the feast that Molly had prepared.

The food tasted amazing and Percy could not remember ever enjoying a meal as much he was at that very moment. He didn't want the meal to end, as he was the only person privy to the two announcements that were about to be made and he just wanted to protect his sister from the news. He hated how much she was being hurt by not being able to experience motherhood; the one thing she truly desired.

Percy saw Bill set his glass down and clear his throat. All of the conversations around the table abruptly came to a halt and silently each member turned to look at the eldest brother. "Fleur and I have an announcement to make." He waited a moment before continuing. "We are expecting our second child."

"You're kidding," George exclaimed. "I was just about to announce that Alicia and I were expecting our second child."

Percy watched his little sister flinch. He touched her hand with his beneath the table and she smiled at him before pretending to be extremely excited for her brothers. After a beat, she excused herself from the table. Percy gave her a few minutes before following. He found her in the garden, sitting on the small white bench. She was wringing her hands together, as she looked down at one of the gnomes frolicking around a rosebush.

He slid onto the seat beside her. She looked up at him and smiled, he was glad to see she wasn't crying this time. "Are you okay?" he prodded.

"I'm used to being reminded of what I can't have, but to have both my brothers remind me at the same time really makes it harder to pretend I'm okay."

"Does anyone else know?" Percy asked politely.

"Hermione knows I want to get pregnant and she knows that Harry and I have tried, but she doesn't know the extent to which we've tried. I feel like by telling her, or anyone for that matter, I am admitting my failure and it makes it seem more real."

"You are not a failure," Percy retorted. "

"I feel like I am. Everyone else can do it. Why can't I?"

"You're still young. You have all the time in the world to become a mother. Let it happen naturally. You can't force these things."

"If it doesn't happen now it might never happen."

"Then you still have the option to adopt a child."

"It's not the same Percy."

"Those children need love too. Just don't rule it out. You and Harry have your whole lives together. Don't make it all about the quest to have a baby or you'll lose him like I lost Shannon."

"I won't."

Percy put his arm around his sister, feeling like her brother for the first time in many years.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter. **

**Chapter 8**

As the next few days passed, Percy relived the conversations he had had with his family. He never imagined he would be on speaking terms with them, let alone actually feel like a member of his family again. Being able to talk to his sister and offer her some support had shown him that he was valued, that he finally had something to offer.

He arrived at work Wednesday morning with an air of purpose. His co-worker Mike poked his head into Percy's office. "Hey Percy I heard you were taking the afternoon off, is everything all right?" he asked politely, his dark eyes scanning Percy for signs of illness.

Percy had not shared with anyone at his office his choice to start therapy with a psychiatrist. Instead he'd said he had a doctor's appointment. "It's just a routine follow-up," he lied.

"Good because this office can't be without you again for so long. You keep this place running."

Percy smiled at the man that stood across from him. Mike had tried many times to befriend him, but Percy had never allowed their relationship to be anything more than professional. He had never realized until now how alone he truly was in the world. "I'm not going anywhere," Percy promised.

"Okay. Glad to hear it. I never realized how difficult your job could be until I had to do it."

After this encounter the hours slipped by quickly. Percy had never really realized how much he was valued in the office. He knew his job was difficult but he had never felt above average at it, he just thought if he kept trying hard he would never be replaced.

He shut off his computer and slid from his leather chair to get ready to leave for his appointment. He looked at the picture of Shannon that was sitting on his desk. He momentarily wondered what she was doing and then shook his mind of the thought. He reached for the photograph and flipped it face down so that he couldn't see those blue eyes that always seemed to stare into his soul.

Arriving at the psychiatrist's office early, he flipped through the Daily Profit. Although he had already read the paper with his breakfast, he decided it would be the most interesting thing to read. He had no interest in Quidditch Weekly or Witches' Monthly. He reread the article written about Hermione, stating how she had established contact with centaurs, and felt a twinge of pride for his sister in law.

Finally a perky red-haired witch came into the room with a clipboard in her hand and read his name. As he stood up, she smiled at him and asked him how he was feeling. She offered him water or tea. He politely refused and entered the small inviting office of his psychiatrist. He melted into the plush leather chair and awaited his doctor.

Dr. Sullivan came into the room and greeted the young man. "How are you doing today?" he asked gently.

"Much better than the last time you saw me," he admitted, remembering his stay in the infirmary. He had grown a lot since the man he'd been in that bed.

"I'm glad to hear it. Is there anything in particular you would like to tell me about it first?" With this question, Percy felt the floodgates open and he told the man about divorcing Shannon, the conversations with his family and the time he'd spent with his niece and nephew. He told him about the way his mother's and father's forgiveness had made him feel and how offering his sister comfort had given him a sense of purpose.

The doctor was quite pleased as Percy finished talking. "I am very impressed with your recovery. Most of my patients in your situation take a very long time to find a sense of self worth. They struggle with the concept of life for months, even years before we break through the surface of hopelessness. You have come a long way. You are stronger than you were before. You have healed in many areas of your life. Although I think this progress is wonderful, I don't want to hand you a clean bill of health and send you out the door yet. I would like to explore your grief about your brother's death. I am not trying to be negative, as I am very optimistic about your recovery, but sometimes feeling good can mask the pain that still lives within us. I want you to face it and come to terms with it, before I allow you to finish your counselling."

A comment like this would have set Percy off before. Now he nodded his head in understanding. Fred's death had nearly killed him. The guilt had eaten away at him every day for six years leaving him with the sense that he was already dead. He still had flashbacks to the night it happened. He could remember it so clearly that it was as if he relived it each and every day. "I don't know where to begin when I talk about Fred." It took all of his strength to the say the name. For the first two years he shied away from it. When he thought about it or someone tried to talk about it, it was always 'his brother'.

"Start with how you feel about him now."

"I miss him terribly. He was a pain in the arse when I was younger, but that didn't mean I didn't love him. I remember Christmas in my fourth year at Hogwarts he told me that it was Christmas and I was to sit with my family. Even though I didn't realize it then, that was one of the few moments when I realized my brothers' considered me family. I felt like a belonged; if only for a second."

"Looking back how do you describe your feelings towards your brother then and now?"

Percy reflected on the question before answering. His mind was suddenly filled with memories of his brother running like a silent slideshow through his head. It was agonizing to relive every moment of his brother's life and yet it was also freeing. Tears flowed down his face uninhibited. "Even though I didn't know it then, I loved him as my brother. Whatever shame he brought to my name and however annoying he was, he was my blood; my brother."

The doctor smiled at his teary eyed patient. "I imagine he thought of you the same way."

Percy considered those words for a moment and then smiled. "I imagine so too. He was the one that forgave me first the night of the war. Before he died, he forgave me."

"Tell me what happened?"

"I received word that the war had truly begun at Hogwarts. I had spent weeks preparing myself for this night. I knew it would come to this, but until then I had to remain distant from my family, for fear of attracting Voldemort's attention on myself or my family. Things couldn't change.

"So I immediately Apparated to Hogsmeade planning to walk to Hogwarts. I was almost snatched by death eaters and then someone grabbed me and dragged me inside. It was Dumbledore's brother, Aberforth, and he directed me to the fireplace where I could floo into the room of requirement.

"I tumbled into a room filled with members of my family. It couldn't have been more perfect and yet it felt more threatening than facing the war raging beyond the small door on the other side of the room. I immediately started apologizing but I feared my family would reject me. I knew it was what I deserved after the way I treated them and I had decided if they did reject me I would continue to fight, for it was the right side.

"Fred stepped forward and forgave me, in his own way. I felt like his brother only once more. We were in the midst of fighting and I said something to make him laugh. I think it was the first time I made him laugh when he wasn't laughing at me. He died in that moment as a wall crashed on him. I distracted him for that second. Had he not been paying attention to me, he might have lived. I have agonized over that moment, dissected every second. I can't let it go. I can't forget his lifeless face. I can't forget his pregnant fiancé screaming in agony and then losing his child. I can't forget the look of torment that haunted the face of his twin. I can't let it go. I can't move on. I can't forgive myself. I killed my brother. Nothing anyone says will ever make me believe otherwise."

The doctor gently patted the hand of the sobbing man in front of him. "Yesterday a wizard found his daughter experimenting with his potions. He came just in time to throw her out of the way before the explosion. He died. Should that little girl be held responsible? Should that little girl give up the rest of her future to forever blame herself for something that was not her fault? Of course not. Accidents happen. People die. That is life. If we all spent every day wondering how we could have changed a situation to save a life, we would never have a chance to enjoy any of the value of life. Your brother is gone and no matter what anyone tells you, you truly believe that you are to blame. Whether you are, or you are not, is irrelevant. Life must go on. You didn't utter the curse that ended his life. One can only have committed the crime of murder if they had the intent to do it. An accident is not a crime. If the situation was reversed and your brother had told you a joke and you laughed and a wall fell on you and you died, would you want your brother to be held back from ever appreciating life? Would you want him to just give up and hate himself forever? More importantly, would he have?"

The doctor had caught Percy off guard. Of course he wouldn't want Fred to give up everything and feel the way he did inside. However, what truly caught his attention was that Fred would never have given up. Fred, as he remembered him, was so full of life; so full of joy. He couldn't imagine Fred not being that way. Fred found fun and joy in even the most difficult of situations. He would have found a way to live through any grief he felt. "Fred had too much spirit to live the way I have for the last six years."

"Would you want him to live the way you have?"

"Of course not. Then again if I had been the one to die and the circumstances were reversed for Fred and I, I would not have deserved their grief."

"Why do you think that?" the doctor asked curiously.

"Because I left them. I may have made amends now, but back then I was still the prat that left my family. You know a few years before the war my father was attacked and nearly killed, I didn't even visit him in the hospital."

"How do you feel about that?"

"Horrible," he confessed. "Worse than horrible. It makes me feel like absolute scum."

"What made you choose not to visit him?"

"My anger at my family. My embarrassment of my family. I had all these dreams and visions of being so much more than the name Weasley. I felt like my family held me back. I was mad at my parents for never paying attention to my achievements. Mostly I was just hurt. I had always felt like an outsider. I never felt like I belonged. I couldn't bring myself to face them. I was a monster."

"How do you feel about it now?"

"I hate what I did. I hate the choices I have made. However, my family has made the choice to forgive me and include me. I am on a different path now. I know I am making the right choices now. I am choosing to live again. I am choosing to let my brother finally rest in peace. I am choosing to be forgiven."

"If you could say something to Fred today, what would you say?"

"That I loved him; that I was proud of him, and mostly, that I am sorry that he lost his life, his future, and his child."

"When you say those words aloud, how do you feel?"

"Like a small weight has been lifted from my chest, almost as if I can breathe another ounce of oxygen."

"You have a lot of pent up emotion. I want you to write a letter to your brother. No one ever has to see it, but I want you to create it. Then I want you to burn it, as you finally let go of your pain and guilt."

"What is the purpose of that exercise?" Percy asked patiently.

"You'll see the effects only once you've done it."

Percy nodded his head, but could not fathom the benefits of such a task. He reached over and shook hands with his doctor, before saying he would see him in two weeks.

After leaving the office, Percy went to Diagon Alley. He spent the better part of the afternoon window shopping. He hadn't been there since before the war, afterwards he had packed everything up and chosen to live in a non-magical community. It was his exile from those like him, as if this punishment would make up for the damage he had done.

XXXXX

Days passed and Percy had not written the letter. He had created myriad excuses for why, but deep down he knew he wasn't ready to say goodbye to his brother. Instead he tried to catch up on all of the work he was behind on.

One afternoon while he was in the middle of some paperwork, Mike slipped his head inside Percy's office and cleared his throat. Percy looked up at the sound and saw by the look on his coworkers face that whatever he had to say was not going to be good. "Can I come in?" he asked, his eyes sliding from one side of the room to the other, as though to ensure no one could hear them.

"Sure," Percy said nervously, his eyes never leaving the face of the man before him.

Mike sat down awkwardly and then turned his attention back to Percy. He cleared his throat again and then looked down at his feet. "Carly just called me. She was out for lunch at The Promenade which is at the Dorchester Hotel…"

"I know the place. I took Shannon there once…" Mike seemed to wince as Percy mentioned his ex wife.

"Well she ran into Shannon there. Shannon was with another man…" Mike started, his eyes now gazing back into Percy's.

Percy took a moment to swallow Mike's words. He stared down at the file at his desk trying to figure out how he should feel. Then he realized that as far as Mike knew he and Shannon were still together.

"I just thought you should know about it. She was holding his hand and Carly said they looked really comfortable together."

Percy looked back up at his coworker. He felt very sick, but he forced his mouth open to respond. "Shannon and I recently signed divorce papers. She is free to see other men."

"Well that makes me feel a little less horrible about telling you the news," Mike said, as he forced a laugh to escape his lips.

Percy was lost in thought now. He remembered trying to get reservations at the The Promenade and it took months. He and Shannon had not even been divorced a month so how long had she been seeing this bloke. "Carly didn't mention whether she recognized the man at all did she?"

"Actually she did. David Parnell."

The name struck a memory in Percy's mind. He knew the man all right. He happened to be very well off. He often forked over the money for many of the charity events Percy was always forced to attend. His mind suddenly filled with images of the handsome dark haired man running his fingers through Shannon's hair and gently stroking her face. He felt very hollow all of a sudden. "Well, looks like she is moving on up then…" Percy said awkwardly.

"I'm really sorry Mate. I know it must be hard to hear this news. I wouldn't have told you if I knew you two weren't still together. I thought she was cheating on you with this bloke so…"

"It's okay. Thank you for telling me."

"Hey why don't you come over and have dinner with Carly and I tonight? I have a nice bottle of Merlot I've been saving. We'll have a few glasses and I'll help you forget about her."

Percy remembered the last time he had had alcohol and woken up in the sterile hospital room at St. Mungo's. "No I can't tonight."

"Come on. I know you're making excuses. We'll have the chef make something really tasty."

"You have a chef?" Percy asked curiously.

"Oh yes. Carly and I would have starved without him. She can't boil noodles without nearly burning the house down…"

Percy thought for a fleeting moment that he would have to share Carly's flaw with Shannon and then remembered that he could not, as he would no longer be sharing anything with his ex wife.

Percy suddenly turned his mind to the matter of avoiding an awkward dinner with his colleague and his gossiping wife. When he found he had no excuse he agreed to the meal.

Hours later, he arrived at a large two storey home in a nice quiet suburban neighbourhood. The door opened to reveal an attractive blonde, whose hair was splayed across her shoulders. Her pink shirt was too tight and revealed a little too much cleavage for being the wife of someone in the Prime Ministers office. Her black skirt hugged her body and didn't reach her knees. "Evening Percy," she said softly.

"Thanks for having me Carly," he greeted her genuinely. He handed her the flowers he had picked up on his way.

"Trying to steal my wife away," Mike teased, as he appeared at the door, dressed in a pair of khaki pants and a jade green button up shirt.

Percy forced a friendly smile and allowed them to invite him inside. He suddenly wished Shannon were once again by his side. She always seemed to make their presence more tolerable.

As the hours passed Percy realized Mike was a much nicer guy than he had ever given him credit for. After dinner they had played a game of darts and talked about work. Percy forgot about the task his doctor had given him and his ex-wife's new social life. He had fun and decided Mike was actually a very decent friend. He made the decision to stop avoiding life and finding things he actually enjoyed about it.

When he arrived home that night, he pulled out a piece of parchment and his quill. He lit a candle on his desk and began to write.

_Dear Fred,_

_Fred, _

_ This is difficult for me to write. You have been gone six years now and not a day goes by that I don't think of you. My wife Shannon recently left me and I finally realized I'd stopped living the day that you died. I have so much regret from that night. For years I have tried to come to grips with what happened in that moment. I knew it was my distraction that cost you your life. If I hadn't have said anything I truly believe you would still be with us. I have come to terms with the fact that no matter how much I think this, no matter how much I punish myself for this it won't bring you back. A lifetime of regret, self-hatred and guilt will not fix what has been broken. You lost your life brother, but I cannot lose mine. You died an honourable death for an honourable cause, because you wanted us to have the chance to live another day. So today I'm choosing to live for you. I'm sorry you're gone. I will always be sorry and I will always miss you, but I can't let it hold me back anymore. If Angelina and George can move on, then so can I. If such a place exists where you watch over us, please take special care of Angelina. Even though she has found a new life, with a new man, and has children, I know that she will never stop loving you. You were her true love. _

_ I don't know what else to say Fred. I feel like I should apologize for our childhood. We were kids and I should have not taken your jokes so seriously. I truly wish I hadn't, and then maybe I'd have more memories of us as brothers. You know the fondest memory I have of you, is the night you cursed Malfoy for threatening me in the corridors of Hogwarts. You told me it was because you hated Malfoy, but I have realized you did this because I was your brother. I don't want to finish this letter because I don't want to say goodbye to you. I feel like this is my only chance to get it right. I don't want to screw this up. I don't have much left to say. I loved you. I will always love you. I'm sorry for everything I did wrong. I hope you would be able to forgive me. _

_Goodbye Brother, and goodnight. Rest in peace now, as you will always be remembered in our hearts. _  
_Percy Weasley_

As he closed the letter he felt overcome with sadness. He stared at the fire burning in the fireplace and couldn't bring himself to put it there. He suddenly understood the benefit of the exercise was to finally say goodbye. With this letter he had to let go of the pain and he couldn't bring himself to do so. He stared at the parchment in his hands and felt sick at the idea of letting go. He just didn't have the strength to do it yet.

More days passed and on the night before he was due back in his psychologist's office, he finally placed the letter into the flame and watched his grief consumed by the inferno. It was the hardest thing he had ever done and with each passing second, he cried for the brother he lost. As each tear was shed his chest gradually felt lighter, as if he were breathing again for the first time in six years.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter.**

**Chapter 9**

A week had passed since Percy had burned the letter. He had received an owl that morning as he was getting ready for work asking him to dinner at Ginny and Harry's. He had sent a note back saying he would be delighted, and left for work feeling a sense of optimism about his day.

As he was working, Mike poked his head in his office. "I wanted to run something by you," Mike said, as he slipped into the office and closed the large oak door behind him.

"Of course. What can I do for you?"

"You know the Charity Ball you're attending on Friday?" Mike asked.

"Yes," Percy said. He had no idea where this was going.

"Well, do you know who is hosting this event? Whose money is paying for it?"

"I can look at my file," Percy said, confusion invading his tone. "What is this about?" Percy didn't understand why this mattered.

"David Parnell is paying for it."

"Oh," Percy muttered. This shouldn't have surprised him; Parnell often paid for such extravagant events.

"If you want me to go in your place let me know. We'll tell the reporters you're still recovering from your illness."

Percy considered avoiding the ball. As the public liaison officer for the prime minister he had never missed a public event since he started. He couldn't imagine missing one now. Besides which, he couldn't avoid Shannon forever. It was something he knew he had to face.

"It's okay Mike. I'll attend."

"Do you need a date? Carly has some friends she could set you up with for the night."

"No, I don't need a date. Reporters seeing me with a new woman would start more controversial stories than it would if I am just single. I don't need the public questioning my integrity as if I left Shannon for a mistress."

"I understand. If you change your mind, let me know," he offered, before leaving the room.

Percy spent the rest of the day trying to forget about what he would be facing that Friday. He was so engrossed in his work that he didn't realize that it was time to go home until his secretary knocked on his office door. "Mr. Weasley, I'm heading home for the evening."

"Oh, it's five?" he exclaimed, as he snatched his cloak from the coat hanger by the door.

"Yes sir, it is. Are you late for something?" she asked conversationally.

"Dinner at my sister's. I have a couple of errands to run before I get there and she expects me there by 5:30."

"Well have a good evening Mr. Weasley."

"You too Sadie." She smiled politely at him and stepped into the lift. Percy grabbed some paperwork and threw it into his briefcase before closing up his office door for the night.

He arrived at Ginny's only five minutes late. Harry opened the door for him and took his brother in law's cloak. "It smells delicious in here," Percy announced, as Ginny rounded the corner.

"Percy, we're so glad you could make it," Ginny greeted her brother.

"Of course Gin," he said, as he bent over to kiss his sister's cheek. "What are you making?"

"Spinach salad and chicken. Hermione and I took a Muggle cooking class for fun and this was one of the dishes.

There was another knock on the door. Harry opened it to reveal Ron and Hermione. "Sorry we're late," Hermione said.

"We were delayed," Ron said, as Hermione's cheeks blushed a deep scarlet.

"We'll just leave it at that," Harry muttered, as he took their coats.

As they sat down to dinner Percy found himself truly enjoying his siblings company. He told them stories about the Muggles he worked with and congratulated Hermione on the success she was achieving at work.

By the end of the evening he didn't want to go back home to his big, empty house. He had never felt lonely before. He used to appreciate being on his own. Perhaps that had been another part of his punishment, a sentence of absolute solitude. Now he enjoyed the company of his family.

XXXXX

During the afternoon on Friday Mike made his offer once more. "Carly and I could go with you."

"No. You don't have to. I'll be fine tonight."

"Okay, well let me know if you change your mind. Is anyone else from the office going?"

"Marilyn, Greg, Joshua and I are attending to represent the office. I'll be fine. It's not like things ended on bad terms."

"No of course not. Well have a good night Percy."

"I'll try. I'll have as much fun as we're allowed at one of these things." As soon as Mike left, Percy felt a sense of foreboding. He didn't want to believe that the evening was going to be horrible, but he didn't imagine it would be enjoyable to face his ex-wife and her new boyfriend.

He focussed his attention on his work until he had to leave to get ready for the evening. He remembered the last ball he had attended. As soon as he had arrived home from work Shannon was practically dancing around the house in her gown telling him to hurry and get ready. She loved these events. It wasn't for the people or the food, she just loved the atmosphere. She loved people-watching. She and Percy would spend the whole car ride home voting on who was the most fake. Tonight Percy would be facing it alone. He momentarily missed his wife. Although he had spent the better part of their marriage focussed on his work, and found their life together to be rather monotonous, he still couldn't help but miss her presence. He had had some good times with her.

XXXXX

Percy took a deep breath before he stepped off of the elevator. His eyes swam across the room and stopped on a dark haired woman who was speaking to the man she was walking arm in arm with. He considered avoiding her, but he decided he needed to do this. It would bring him closure. "Shannon," he called to her.

She looked up and was suddenly very uncomfortable when she saw him. "Percy," she said gently.

"How have you been?" he asked, trying to make conversation.

"I'm good," she said softly. "This is David."

He recognized David as one of the contributors to the function that he was attending on behalf of the Prime Minister. He swung his hand out to shake the man's hand before him.

"It's nice to meet you David. I hope you both enjoy your evening," he said pleasantly. He was inwardly shocked at how apathetic he felt at seeing his ex wife with another man. He had expected it to kill him inside. It wasn't that he didn't miss her, because he did miss her presence in his life, but at the end of their marriage there really was not much left to hold on to. They had not been suited and because of that, a life together was just not something that could work.

"David do you mind giving us a minute?" she asked gently. He nodded, kissed her cheek and went to talk to one of his associates.

"Percy… I," Percy put his hand up to interrupt her.

"You don't have to explain anything to me. You have the right to move on."

"I know, but this must be difficult. I should have told you I would be here."

"It wouldn't have changed the fact that I had to come here for work. Shannon you don't have to hide from me, or tell me what you are doing. You are free to move on. However, I wouldn't mind a little more of your time to talk. It's not about getting back together. I just need closure."

"I can do that," she agreed. "When would you like to talk?"

"Meet me at the Rainbow café tomorrow at 2:00."

"I'll see you there," she whispered. Then they parted ways and Shannon found her way back to David.

Percy spent the rest of the evening making small talk. For the first time in his life, he truly listened to what people had to say. He cared about the issues the charity was supporting and empathized with the speakers that stood at the podium. As he recognized the change in himself, he realized what a pompous ass he had been. A sense of shame washed over him. He had been so closed off from the world, that not only had he not cared about his own life, he realized he had not cared about anyone else's either. He vowed to make a change. From that moment on, he would make a difference.

XXXXX

The next day at 2:00 Percy arrived at the small café on the far side of London. He opened the door to see Shannon ordering them each a cup of coffee. He followed her to a small booth in the back and sat down across from her. "Thanks for coming," he said, as he reached for his cup.

Shannon's hands slid around the yellow mug as she inhaled the sweet scent of her coffee. She looked back up into Percy's eyes and opened her mouth to speak. He put his hand up to stop her and she immediately closed her mouth.

"You don't have to explain anything to me…" Percy began. "We are divorced now. Your dating is not why I asked you out." He waited a moment before continuing. "Our marriage was not the greatest and that was my fault." When Shannon opened her mouth to protest he cut her off again. "I was so blinded by my self hatred that I couldn't see that I was punishing you for wanting to bring me happiness. I was closed off from you when I shouldn't have been. You were amazing to me. You made me feel supported and safe when facing my family or life after the war."

"I think that was the problem," Shannon interrupted. "We were so focussed on moving on after the battle that we lost sight of the fact that our lives had just begun. We missed out on so many experiences because we just wanted to begin again. I allowed you to close off from the world. I didn't push you. I didn't help you at all. We are both to blame for our marriage falling apart. No one is fully responsible." Her blue eyes looked back at him with a tenderness he hadn't seen for a very long time.

"Regardless of who is to blame I am just sorry things had to end. I know we could not last, as neither of us were committed to the marriage enough to make it work."

"I still love you and I always will. We may not be married anymore, but you will always occupy a corner of my heart," she said gently, as she reached her hand over and touched his.

"You will always be my first true love. Though I took you for granted and I didn't truly realize what I had, or how much I loved you, it doesn't change the fact that I did love you with all my heart. You held me when Fred died. You stuck up for me when George was wishing I would just drop dead. You picked up and moved into a Muggle community with me just so we could be together. You are an amazing woman Shannon. You saved me when I truly needed an angel."

Tears suddenly flooded her eyes and she tried to brush them away. "Thank you for understanding why I needed to leave," she said gently, as she squeezed his hand.

"So David Parnell? Does he know you're a witch?"

"No I've given up magic," she said, as a wistful smile appeared on her face.

"Given it up completely?"

"Well we were so close to being Muggles when we were together that I thought why not. I like to live this way. Magic isn't needed in everyday life."

"That's true but what about the issues that are not everyday occurrences?"

"I will deal with that if I have to. I really like him," she revealed and then blushed. "I'm sorry. You don't want to hear that."

"You don't have to apologize to me if you are happy."

Shannon leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Percy's cheek. "I have to get going. It was nice to talk to you again. I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," he replied, as a feeling of sadness washed over him. Everything just suddenly felt so final. He watched her walk toward the door of the little coffee shop and then he dropped some money onto the table and followed her out the door. His mind was swirling with the fact that everything in his life was permanently different. For the first time in his life, he suddenly craved the company of his family.

XXXXX

Later that afternoon Percy had offered to take Victoire and Frederick to the park to give their parent's a break. Both children ran excitedly through the playground until they reached the swings. They begged their uncle to push them. He was winded when he caught up to them and as he reached out to push the first swing a familiar face caught his attention.

"Penelope?" he called.

The young witch turned her attention to the man before her and she waved gently. "Percy, what are you doing here? Are these yours?" she asked, as her hand gestured towards his niece and nephew.

"No. I don't have any yet."

"Oh," she said, and a smile spread across her pretty face.

"Mum?" a little voice called and Penelope turned to face a little girl with ringlets of blonde hair. She spoke to the child for a moment and then turned back to Percy.

"This is my daughter Charlotte. I really have to get going but it was nice to run into you," she said uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry you don't have time to catch up. I am spending the afternoon with my niece and nephew. I'm kind of new at this kind of thing."

"You seem to know what you are doing," she responded, as she watched both children swinging happily, having been pushed by their uncle.

"Penelope I'm sorry I was such a prat when we were together…"

Her eyes softened and she looked at him as if she were truly seeing him for the first time. "You don't need to apologize to me."

"I know I don't have to, but I want to. You deserved better. I made a lot of mistakes and you called me out on them. I truly appreciate it now. I was an idiot when we were together and although our relationship was just a school romance I failed you in a lot of ways. My choice to leave my family was appalling and you told me so."

"Well, I'm glad you removed your head from your arse," she said, as a smile slid across her face. "It is really nice to see you again Percy, but I must get Charlotte home." Then she scooped the toddler into her arms, waved goodbye and began walking home.

Percy watched her walk away and then turned his attention back to Frederick and Victoire. He watched their smiles light up their faces as they swung higher and higher, and felt a twinge of sadness as he wondered if he would ever have children of his own. He thought momentarily of the child missing from their family and wondered what Fred's child would have looked like. He hoped wherever Fred was now, he was with this unknown child.

"Uncle Percy?" Victoire demanded, her shrill voice gathering his attention.

"Yes Victoire?"

"Higher!"

The afternoon passed quickly and Percy couldn't believe he had missed so much time getting to know his niece or nephew. He would never take another moment with them for granted. He would never take any time with his family for granted. He had lost many years with them, but he had many years left to make it right. He loved them all, and he knew now they loved him too.


	10. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter**

**Epilogue**

_When there are no enemies within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you._ African Proverb

The dead frozen leaves crunched beneath his boots as he walked along the overgrown path. He stopped when he reached the clearing, his breath catching in his throat. It had taken him over seven years to find the strength to do this. Millions of thoughts plagued his mind, as he scanned his eyes across the graveyard. The mist and fog that lingered above the headstones made it seem eerie and uninviting. He pushed on until he found the stone with the name Weasley carved into it. His stomach did a flip and he instantly broke into tears. He knelt down and traced his calloused fingers across his brother's name. _Fred Weasley. _

His hands began to tremble and he released the sob he had been holding. Agony swept through him and he dropped to his knees as his hands flew to his face. He had freed himself from guilt. He had told himself repeatedly that it was not his fault. However, it did nothing to stop the pain from squeezing his heart like a snake constricting around his prey. He missed his brother terribly. Memories flashed through his mind from their childhood. He remembered the first time he had seen the twins. He remembered when Fred fell down the stairs and skinned his knee and the little tears that had spilled down the toddler's face. He remembered the look of excitement Fred had tried to conceal as the train left the station for Hogwarts in his first year. He remembered Christmas on Ron's first year when Fred had insisted they were family and Percy was to spend it with them. He remembered leaving his family and then returning and Fred offering Percy his hand in forgiveness. His brother was gone, but he would never be forgotten.

As much as it hurt Percy was finally ready to let him go and rest in peace. He slowly stood up from the wet ground and turned to leave. He didn't know how he found the strength to walk forward when everything told him to stay back with his brother. He didn't want to leave him behind again. "Goodbye Fred," he whispered, as fresh tears slid down his face.

He stepped forward once more and almost ran into a young woman who was holding a bouquet of roses in her hand. "I'm so sorry," she said, as she stepped back and eyed him curiously. He took a moment to examine her chestnut hair that dipped beneath her shoulders, and her brown eyes that reminded him instantly of melted chocolate.

"No I'm sorry. I should have been paying attention to where I was going…"

"It's okay. It's hard to pay attention to reality in a place like this. Your memories kind of take over and keep you from paying attention."

Percy nodded his head in agreement. "I'm Percy, by the way."

"I'm Audrey," she said, as a smile spread across her face.


End file.
